How do you tell children they were born by surrogate?

Well not on national TV.

Adrienne Maloof has ended her friendship with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills costar, Brandi Glanville for blurting out on camera that her twins were born by surrogate.

This was common knowledge for people that knew her but her children didn’t know and Maloof is angry. Maloof’s boys are six years old and we began to wonder, when is a good time to tell your children and how do you tell them?

Surrogacy is growing as a popular choice for infertile couples to grow their families and the discussion of surrogacy will eventually have to be discussed with the surrogate mother’s own children as well as the children born via surrogacy.

According to Judith Kottick, a licensed social worker, you want to tell your children their birth story early so it’s not a shock as in the case of Maloof. There are even children’s books written especially to help the story of surrogacy births like, “Hope & Will Have a Baby: The Gift of Surrogacy,” by Irene Celcer.

Another mom who used a surrogate mother told her child from day one. Jan Zoretich said she told her children stories at night and just included it in story time.

By far the sweetest explanation we heard came from Melissa Bressman who told her three-year old; “The doctor took a piece of Daddy and took a piece of Mommy and put it inside someone else because my tummy was broken” (Rimer, 2009).

We certainly sympathize with Maloof for the way her twin boys learned their birth story. We encourage parents to take the advice of Kottick and tell the birth story sooner rather than later.

Laws on surrogacy take one step forward, two steps back

We know that surrogacy is a viable option for couples having difficulty conceiving on their own. And it seems that a lone councilman from the District of Columbia thinks so too. Councilman David Catania has submitted a bill that would end the city’s surrogacy contract prohibition. As the law stands right now, offenders of the law face the possibility of a $10,000 fine and a year in jail! Catania’s legislation allows for gestational and traditional surrogate contracts and he’s confident that he can get the right bill passed.

We’re hoping for the best for Councilman Catania and the residents of the District of Columbia.

The residents of New Jersey weren’t so fortunate. Governor Chris Christie vetoed legislation that would have relaxed restrictions in his state. As it stands, New Jersey remains on our list of surrogate unfriendly states.

India just passed legislation tightening their surrogacy rules. Gay couples, and couples who live in countries where there is no ban on surrogacy are prohibited from hiring Indian surrogate mothers.

So for the one step forward surrogacy made last week, the age-old practice took two steps back.

It is our hope that intended parents all over the world have the ability to choose surrogacy as their method to grow and expand their families. We’re proud that Texas remains one of the surrogate friendly states and gives infertile couples the opportunity to choose. Surrogacy has worked for so many families and Shared Conception is happy to keep making dreams come true.

Khloe Kardashian latest celebrity to embrace surrogacy

 

© Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com

Unofficial sources say that Khloe Kardashian will use a gestational surrogate to grow her family. She and husband Lamar Odom have wanted children since the pair married but have battled with infertility.

Khloe and Lamar wouldn’t be the first celebrity couple to use a surrogate mother to grow their families.

Kara DioGuardi, a former American Idol judge also announced this week that she and her hubby Mike McCuddy would welcome their first child, Greyson James Carroll McCuddy into the world via surrogate.

Elton John and his partner David Furnish have just welcomed a second child into their home. Both were born via surrogacy.

Then of course there’s Giuliana and Bill Rancic’s very public battle with infertility. The couple made the decision to use a gestational surrogate and the two are now the proud parents of a baby boy.

Khole and Lamar have excellent examples of how surrogacy can work and give them the precious gift they’ve always wanted. Surrogacy is a wonderful option for intended parents no matter your celebrity status. A good agency can help connect intended parents and surrogate mothers to make parenthood dreams come true.

We wish Khloe and Lamar the best!

The Surrogate Mother Next Door

Finding and choosing a surrogate mother suitable for in vitro fertilization (IVF) may be closer than you realize. Finding a donor who can successfully complete the IVF process can be long and trying. But for a few women, their surrogates were closer than the neighbor next door, their own mothers acted as their surrogate.

The story of Kristine Casey, Sara Connell, and son, Finnean is just one of many heart-warming mother-daughter surrogate successes. Daughter Sara had experienced numerous miscarriages and disappointments trying to conceive. Her mother Kristine at 61 years old was more than her daughter’s surrogate mother; she became the vessel of life so that her daughter could share in the joys of motherhood. The experience offers mothers and daughters the opportunity to bond in an extraordinary way, a way that allows families to grow and flourish beautifully.

Cindy Reutzel, at the age of 53 became a surrogate for her daughter Emily. Emily had cervical cancer that resulted in a radical hysterectomy. The two didn’t think surrogacy was a realistic option but thanks to advancing technology in the field of in vitro transplantation, older women can carry a child to full term.
Finding a surrogate mother may be closer than you realize!

The surrogacy process for young grandmothers like Kristine includes a series of hormonal and fertilization injections, as well as psychological tests to ensure the overall health of the baby. Although age is a major determining factor, even women who have entered menopause can also conceive healthy babies.

The surrogacy pregnancy process is one to be proud of, especially when the woman carrying your child is your very own mother.

Surrogate Friendly States

If you are an intended parent and live in the great state of Texas you’re quite fortunate! Texas laws on surrogacy make it quite attractive to undergo the process. For instance, Texas law says that once a surrogate agreement has been validated by the state, the child that the gestational surrogate carries is the biological child of the intended parents. No need for an adoption after the child is born.

But if you live in New York, New Jersey, Michigan, Nebraska, Washington and Washington D.C. your chances of using surrogacy to grow your family are zero. Those states make surrogacy illegal or find the surrogacy agreements unenforceable.

Other states either allow the use of a surrogate or courts have had favorable decisions in surrogacy cases. Some states don’t have any laws regarding surrogacy and typically allow surrogacy.

If you’re considering surrogacy, check your state’s laws on the use of a surrogate and know that the state law governing your surrogate process will be based on the surrogate mother’s resident.

If you’re in Texas, you’re already ahead of the game.

Top 10 Reasons to Become a Surrogate

David Letterman has one, so do most magazines and gossip shows. What is it? Top ten lists! And since the New Year is upon us and many will watch the ball drop in Times Square, we thought we’d countdown the top ten reasons women should consider being a surrogate.

So in pure David Letterman fashion, here’s our top ten list!

  • Number 10: Your last pregnancies were a breeze!
  • Number 9: You want to turn intended parents into parents.
  • Number 8: Changing foul diapers and countless sleepless nights should be experienced by all!
  • Number 7: Your personality tests overwhelming classify you as a giver.
  • Number 6: Being a surrogate pays you to give the gift of life.
  • Number 5: Being pregnant justifies your secret love for pickles and ice cream.
  • Number 4: You think modern medicine is way cool.
  • Number 3: You really hate infertility and the hurt and pain it causes.
  • Number 2: Maternity fashion is hot right now.
  • And the number one reason to consider being a surrogate: Babies are an absolute blessing to those who can’t have them on their own.

We hope you enjoyed our fun list of reasons to become a surrogate. We know the reasons to become a surrogate are personal, varied and numerous. But one thing is for certain, the joy you’ll bring to an intended family if you decide to be a surrogate mother will validate whatever your reasons may be.

Wishing you all a Wonderful and Joyous New Year. Contact Shared Conception.

Surrogacy isn’t the oldest profession but it’s not new either

Surrogacy in some form has been around for ages.

You can even see early forms of it in some religious texts.

In Jewish and Christian writings you have:

  • Sarah’s servant acting as a kind of surrogate; and
  • The growth of Jacob’s family through the use of surrogates.

In each of these instances, the sperm of the father and the egg of the surrogate produced the heir(s).

Thankfully, surrogacy in this century looks completely different due to the advances in the medical field.

Now, an embryo created from the intended parents can be transferred into a surrogate mother who will then carry the baby to term. The baby has no biological connection to the surrogate mother and is a genetically connected offspring of both the intended parents.

For women who are unable to produce eggs, donated eggs and the father’s sperm can create the embryo and that embryo transferred to the surrogate mother.

Today, parents who want to have children have a wide range of options to create the family they desire.

Surrogacy allows intended parents to create their families using their own egg and sperm or donated matter. It’s all possible thanks to surrogate mothers who are willing to give the gift of life to loving and caring intended parents.

Bah Humbug

We know.

The holidays can be really rough for couples that want to start their own families.

The holiday commercials can be really hard to watch. Baby’s First Christmas, a 30 second spot from a well-known jewelry retailer can really strike a nerve. Then there are the well-meaning family members who seem to have tons of advice, which they freely share over lengthy holiday meals.

Some family and friends are completely understanding and sensitive to your situation while others are completely clueless. They ask if you’ve tried this, tried the other, and then tell you about their friend’s, cousin’s daughter-in-law who just gave birth to quads. Oh great…just what you wanted to hear.

We understand. This season is centered on family; especially children and this can make you feel like, well Ebenezer Scrooge from the movie A Christmas Carol. So we’d like to offer you a few tips on how to survive this holiday season based on the movie.

Christmas Past

  • Do you have any fond memories of past holidays? Better yet do you have photos of said holidays? How about posting them on your social media networks and giving everybody a big laugh. It’s amazing what laughter can do for the soul.
  • Is there a favorite dish from past holidays that isn’t a part of your now? Why not recreate them?
  • If going to look at the Christmas lights as a kid brought you great joy, go tour some neighborhoods. If going to see the Nutcracker or attending a special Christmas Eve services were happy experiences, make plans to go. Honor past holidays and celebrate the people who made them unforgettable.

Christmas Present

  • Relax – Be good to yourself and relax. Massages, pedicures, workouts if you’re so inclined are great ways to relax this holiday season.
  • Relate – You and your partner find ways to be good to each other this holiday season. It’s not uncommon for couples to take out their frustrations on each other. Stay connected, maybe that massage is a couple’s massage to help you two relate.
  • Release – Exhale this holiday season and breathe. Release yourself from over-committing, overspending and overcompensating. Release yourself, your partner from any anger or guilt from not being able to conceive. Release crazy family members and friends who say incredibly insensitive things this time of year. Release it and let it go.


Christmas Future

  • Know that being infertile isn’t a cruel life sentence. There are lots of options out there and surrogacy is such a great one.
  • Spend some time researching surrogacy programs and surrogacy agencies. With their help you could be welcoming your own bundle of joy this time next year.

You can and will survive this holiday season!

Odd but it didn’t have to be

 

Coming out on DVD and Blu-ray this holiday season is the film The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

The story is about Cindy and Jim Green; they’re portrayed as one of the 7.3 million infertile couples in America who desperately wants to have children.

Jim suggests to his wife that she write down all the characteristics and qualities she would love to have in a child. They bury the piece of paper and a rainstorm that hovers over their house waters the newly planted note.

Shortly thereafter a ten-year-old boy named Timothy Green sprouts from the earth. He is the culmination of all they desired. Of course the couple wants to legally adopt him but run into problems and are unable to do so. As most feel-good movies go, the story does end well and we won’t spoil the ending for you.

But the story didn’t have to be odd.

We would have written it this way.

A couple meets with their doctor and is told they can’t have children. Instead of deep despair they find hope and their own bundle of joy courtesy of a loving surrogate.

Ours would be a shorter movie and certainly not quite as interesting as a boy that sprouts from the ground. But the good news is our version is played out nearly everyday for families all across the world and isn’t the least bit odd.

So go ahead and watch the movie. Just know that Timothy Green’s life didn’t have to be an odd one and normal alternatives like surrogacy exists to alter how a family’s story ends.

How to become an intended parent

At Shared Conception, we know each intended parents’ journey is different. Whether failed IVF treatments or the inability to conceive, each parent has a different reason for reaching out to surrogacy. Our agency is proud of its outstanding reputation in joining surrogates with intended parents to create a baby.

When intended parents start the process with us, we offer a free consultation that explicitly explains the surrogacy process and what is required. The intended parents will fill out paperwork, answer a few questions and get started on the journey of working with a surrogate. We take our time to make sure a great fit is made with the surrogate and intended parents. We set up an agreement that outlines several things including communication avenues between the surrogate and the intended parents.

For the intended parents, in-home evaluations are made as legally necessary. With the intended parents, we offer referralsto psychologists, fertility clinics (as needed), attorneys specializing in surrogacyand escrowagents.Our surrogacy parent program will arrange travel arrangements and accommodations for the intended parents or surrogate (as required).

Of course the first step to starting the surrogacy journey, is to contact us at Shared Conception. We will answer all your questions and set your mind at ease about any concerns that might arise. Ready to begin? We’re waiting for you!