One often wonders how intended parents deal with the emotions associated with their surrogate suffering a miscarriage. Not only do they have to deal with their own grief and feelings of helplessness but they also have to deal with the surrogate and her feelings of loss and disappointment in not immediately being able to “deliver” for the intended parents. Here is how Bill and Guiliana  Rancic (she’s from E! TV) got through the initial shock of their surrogate’s miscarriage (in front of realty tv cameras).

The couple revealed that their surrogate, Delphine, suffered a miscarriage, and Bill opened up about what happened during an interview on E! News with Jason Kennedy.

                     

“This whole season on Giuliana and Bill we’ve been trying to have another baby. Unfortunately our surrogate Delphine who we love very much had a miscarriage. It’s something that we didn’t see coming. We were devastated. She was about nine weeks pregnant. We were pretty close to getting into the safe zone. We experienced a miscarriage years ago when we were trying with Giuliana, so we had been keeping the pregnancy news tight to the vest.”

At least the saddened parents understand that sometimes these things are just a part of the circle of life, and that the surrogate had nothing to do with it. Bill added:

“Delphine is amazing. We hit the surrogate lottery when we met her. Obviously this was no fault of hers. It’s a double sadness because we didn’t want her to feel bad. And Giuliana was rather distraught at first, but she’s tough. In times like this we rely on our faith. Once the tears went away we started to look towards the future.”

Guilian continued, “It’s really about knowing there’s a bigger plan at play, so for some reason, it wasn’t meant to happen this way. It’ll all be clear one day soon.”

And getting such news was a little difficult with all of the cameras around shooting their realty show, Giuliana & Bill, so Guiliana explained that they had to take a different approach.

“I gotta say, though, in that clip, what really happens there—you know, you’re getting this call and there’s cameraman around you and all these people and Bill and I kinda looked at each other like, ‘You know what? Let’s just  make this call short and let’s get off camera and talk to the doctor more about this,” she said.

“We’re kinda in shock, but we had to take the conversation off-camera when some things have to be private, especially when you’re first learning information like that.”

Whether they are surrogates or biological mothers, miscarriages, unfortunately, occur and the devastation to all parties is great. Shared Conception stands ready to compassionately help navigate these unexpected paths and get back on-track. Call us. We can help you.

Surrogacy relationships require excellent communication and empathy on both sides. The intended parents need empathy for the woman entering surrogate motherhood, but naturally have a lot of worries and questions regarding the pregnancy.

The surrogate has to understand that the intended parents, who have no direct control over the pregnancy, are naturally concerned. Yet, the surrogate has to insist upon healthy boundaries and maintain her own right to live her life and be happy.

There is a lot of trust involved in these surrogacy relationships, and things can get complicated when problems arise. Shared Conception is here to guide you through these sometimes uncharted territories.

The best way to maintain communication throughout a surrogate relationship is to agree on a schedule for updates throughout the pregnancy. This simply establishes a schedule for communication so some boundaries can be established in the relationship.

It does not mean communication cannot occur more frequently if needed. It just means there are times the intended parents are guaranteed to get updates on the pregnancy without intruding upon the surrogate mother and her life.

One of the biggest causes for conflict in a surrogate relationship is the issue of control during the pregnancy. Surrogate pregnancy naturally gives the surrogate much control, even when the baby was not formed using the surrogate’s egg. Since the baby is growing in her body, she is directly responsible for doing everything required to ensure a healthy baby at the end of the pregnancy. Even if she does everything right, there is no guarantee of a perfect baby in the end. This has the ability to turn many well-meaning intended parents into micro-managers, causing the surrogate mother unnecessary stress.

Open and consistent communication can solve a lot of the problems in this aspect of surrogacy relationships, but empathy is needed from the surrogate. It is important for the surrogate to acknowledge the natural anxiety in the intended parents and to understand that their questions come from a place of concern for their unborn child. The surrogate that keeps the intended parents updated on everything happening with the pregnancy and answers questions patiently will have a much better relationship with the intended parents.

Yet, intended parents must also acknowledge the rights of the surrogate to have a life while pregnant, which includes some amount of privacy. If an update schedule is determined in the beginning, surrogacy relationships should naturally develop boundaries in this aspect.

Open communication and empathy will increase the chances of a successful surrogacy relationship. The best you can do is be aware of potential problems that may arise and plan accordingly in the very beginning of your relationship. Shared Conception is here to help structure the foundation of the surrogate/intended parents relationship. Connect with us.

 

Surrogacy relationships require excellent communication and empathy on both sides. The intended parents need empathy for the woman entering surrogate motherhood, but naturally have a lot of worries and questions regarding the pregnancy.

The surrogate has to understand that the intended parents, who have no direct control over the pregnancy, are naturally concerned. Yet, the surrogate has to insist upon healthy boundaries and maintain her own right to live her life and be happy.

There is a lot of trust involved in these surrogacy relationships, and things can get complicated when problems arise. Shared Conception is here to guide you through these sometimes uncharted territories.

The best way to maintain communication throughout a surrogate relationship is to agree on a schedule for updates throughout the pregnancy. This simply establishes a schedule for communication so some boundaries can be established in the relationship.

It does not mean communication cannot occur more frequently if needed. It just means there are times the intended parents are guaranteed to get updates on the pregnancy without intruding upon the surrogate mother and her life.

One of the biggest causes for conflict in a surrogate relationship is the issue of control during the pregnancy. Surrogate pregnancy naturally gives the surrogate much control, even when the baby was not formed using the surrogate’s egg. Since the baby is growing in her body, she is directly responsible for doing everything required to ensure a healthy baby at the end of the pregnancy. Even if she does everything right, there is no guarantee of a perfect baby in the end. This has the ability to turn many well-meaning intended parents into micro-managers, causing the surrogate mother unnecessary stress.

Open and consistent communication can solve a lot of the problems in this aspect of surrogacy relationships, but empathy is needed from the surrogate. It is important for the surrogate to acknowledge the natural anxiety in the intended parents and to understand that their questions come from a place of concern for their unborn child. The surrogate that keeps the intended parents updated on everything happening with the pregnancy and answers questions patiently will have a much better relationship with the intended parents.

Yet, intended parents must also acknowledge the rights of the surrogate to have a life while pregnant, which includes some amount of privacy. If an update schedule is determined in the beginning, surrogacy relationships should naturally develop boundaries in this aspect.

Open communication and empathy will increase the chances of a successful surrogacy relationship. The best you can do is be aware of potential problems that may arise and plan accordingly in the very beginning of your relationship. Shared Conception is here to help structure the foundation of the surrogate/intended parents relationship. Connect with us.

In what’s used to be a well-kept secret, some women have used surrogates for more social reasons, not for reasons relating to infertility.

*“I call these cases designer surrogacy,” says Lori Arnold, MD, a northern San Diego fertility doctor. She says that she’s worked with a socialite “who didn’t want to get fat,” a runner who had an upcoming marathon, and a fellow MD who Arnold says, “couldn’t really afford to be pregnant—some women work right up to the moment they deliver, but others can be bedridden for several months.”

Woman who choose surrogacy for purposes other than infertility, may indeed, be judged. Many believe pregnancy should not be treated as an inconvenience. Many celebrities have been criticized for using a surrogate to prevent stretch marks or interrupting film schedules.

The first United States surrogacy contract written in 1976, caused speculation that we’d become a divided nation of breeders and then the wealthy who exploit them. There are some states, such as Texas and California that allow it, while others ban it altogether. In 2012, guidelines issued by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), state that surrogacy should only be used “when a true medical condition precludes the intended parent from carrying a pregnancy or would pose a significant risk of death or harm to the woman or the fetus. The indication must be clearly documented in the patient’s medical records.” In Texas, there has to be a medical necessity for someone to do surrogacy.

David Smotrich, MD, a San Diego fertility specialist who’s widely regarded as the world leader in the field, even offers a scientific rationale for social surrogacy, “If you take the same embryo, there’s a medical benefit to putting it in a woman who’s been pregnant before; we have proof that her uterus works,” he says, estimating that using a tried-and-true womb can boost IVF success rates by up to 20 percent.

But what is the definition of “medical need?” Paula Amato, MD, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland, who helped write the ASRM’s strict ethics guidelines, said it would be appropriate for doctors to offer the option to patients who suffer from severe anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder. “We give a lot of leeway to doctors to make those decisions,” she says.

There are other potential candidates and situations that parents who want a family face. For example: an intended mother at risk for postpartum depression or one who has had a difficult first pregnancy.

As for Shared Conception (a Texas-based surrogacy agency), we have never agreed to work with clients interested in designer surrogacy. We have, however, seen cases where there is a mental reason, such as the intended mother being on anxiety medications or where the intended mother had a high-risk pregnancy the first time and has anxiety over having another high-risk pregnancy. These scenarios do exist and Shared Conception understands and is happy to assist.

Shared Conception wants you to share your thoughts with us- do you believe in designer surrogacy?

 *some content from Sarah Elizabeth Richards

Inducing lactation refers to the process of making milk without pregnancy and birth.  In a typical breastfeeding situation, the hormones of pregnancy and the changes that these hormones undergo at birth cause a woman’s breasts to start producing milk.  When an intended mother doesn’t experience pregnancy and birth because her baby has arrived through surrogacy, she can still produce milk by giving her body messages to produce milk.

How does an intended mother give her body messages to make milk without pregnancy and birth?

Step 1:  Prepare Your Breasts for Making Milk
If you want, you can start the process of inducing lactation by preparing your breasts to make milk as would happen during a pregnancy.  You can do this with physical techniques such as breast massage, nipple stimulation, or partner suckling.  You can also do this with medications, either pharmaceutical or herbal.

Step 2:  Start Making Milk before your Baby Arrives
If you wish and there is the lead time, you can start making milk before your baby arrives.  Typically this is done by expressing with an electric breast pump many times throughout the day, although some women find hand expression very helpful as well.  Medications, either pharmaceutical or herbal, can be also be used to potentially boost the output from pumping or hand expressing.

Step 3:  Breastfeeding and Making More Milk
This is the wonderful, amazing point when you can start breastfeeding your baby — whether you are making a significant amount of milk, barely drops, or no milk at all.  Many intended mothers will use an at-breast supplementer so that they can breastfeed as much as possible even they are not producing all the milk their baby needs.  And, as in Step 2, including pharmaceutical or herbal medications, can help some intended mothers make more milk.  Some intended mothers will continue to pump or hand express after or between breastfeeding in order stimulate more milk production.

Methods for Inducing Lactation
Several protocols are available which lay out specific directions for each step.  An overview of each are described below (in ascending order of complexity).

Traditional Protocol:  This is a very simple protocol based on observations of mothers in developing countries.  It simply involves waiting until your baby arrives, and breastfeeding very frequently.  Whatever the baby does not get from breastfeeding is supplemented using a cup.

Avery Protocol:  The Avery protocol involves manual stimulation of your breasts and nipples to start the process rolling, then breastfeeding with an at-breast supplementer when your baby arrives.

Pumping Protocol:  This protocol, unlike those above, makes use of a multi-user breast pump to stimulate the breasts to start making milk before baby arrives. Then, when baby arrives, you begin breastfeeding using an at-breast supplementer as needed.

Herbal Protocol:  This protocol resembles the Pumping Protocol with the addition of herbs reputed to build mammary breast tissue or boost hormones responsible for making milk.

Newman-Goldfarb Protocol:  This popular protocol for inducing lactation is the most involved of them all.  It begins with several months of pharmaceutical medications to simulate the hormonal state of pregnancy.  Then the pharmaceutical medications shift simulating birth, and you begin pumping with a multi-user breast pump for several weeks prior to baby’s arrival.  Once baby arrives, you begin breastfeeding using an at-breast supplementer as needed.

You can use one of these protocols if you find one that suits you, or use them as a guidelines for creating your own individualized plan. Call us at Shared Conceptions and we will help guide you.

*some content from Alyssa Schnell, MS, IBCLC

“I breastfed both of my kids until they were almost 3, but I really don’t want to breastfeed my surrobabies. I do think colostrum is super important and I am happy to pump & provide at least that initial milk. However, I want the babies to bond to their parents, and nursing was, at least for me, a very close & bonding experience. I certainly hope that I get some snuggle time with them after they are born, but I imagine that I will be thrilled to sleep through the night instead of getting up to feed them!” Sweetpotatoe

“Not an intended parent, but I can understand how intended parents can feel either way. I actually had a rough time breastfeeding my own two kids, so I don’t see it as a bonding activity. It’s simply a healthier, more effective way of feeding baby, especially at the colostrum stage. If your surro is going to pump, being able to breast feed the first couple of days is much more effective at getting the milk to come in rather than pumping alone, and it’s also healthier for your surro’s postpartum recovery. That said, I can totally respect why intended parents would not be comfortable with their surro breastfeeding.” Mamabug

                                   

“My intended mother also induced lactation, and I pumped for them. (They also supplemented with formula as needed). After their son was born, he went right to his mom so she could start to nurse him right away. I was never concerned about me bonding, I just know that if I were an intended mother, it would break my heart to watch my baby being nursed by someone else. When people talk about their concerns with a surro breastfeeding, they always talk about the surrogate bonding too much. My worry would be about the baby bonding though, not the surrogate.” Cookie

“I am one of the biggest lactivists out there, but I did not want to breastfeed my surrotwins.
I found an intended mother that was going to induce lactation and it was what sealed the deal with me to match since I feel so strongly about breastmilk. I planned on pumping to help at first so that they would have colostrum and then for a few weeks. At the end of the pregnancy I asked the intended mother how the inducing was going and she said that she felt “too intimidated” to try and that she was worried that she wouldn’t make enough for two babies. I was absolutely crushed, but it was her decision. But I still could never have breastfed them. While I’m sad that their parents decided to give them formula instead of breastmilk, it just wasn’t an option for me emotionally to breastfeed them.” Pink Mama

Shared Conception will listen to you, the intended parents, as we work together to help complete your family. Of course, we will immediately refer you to the best and most appropriate physician as we navigate  our way to you all becoming parents.  Your doctor will try to improve your fertility by either correcting an underlying problem (if one is found) or trying treatments that seem like they may be helpful. Often, an exact cause of infertility cannot be identified. Even if an exact cause isn’t clear, your doctor may be able to recommend treatments that work. In many cases of infertility, the female partner also will need to be checked and may need treatment.

Treatments for male infertility include a variety of solutions.

Surgery
For example, a varicocele can often be surgically corrected or an obstructed duct repaired. Vasectomies can often be reversed. In cases where no sperm are present in the ejaculate, sperm may often be retrieved directly from the testicles or epididymis using sperm retrieval techniques.

Treating infections
Antibiotic treatment may cure an infection of the reproductive tract, but doesn’t always restore fertility.

Treatments for sexual intercourse problems
Medication or counseling can help improve fertility in conditions such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.

Hormone treatments and medications
Your doctor may recommend hormone replacement or medications in cases where infertility is caused by high or low levels of certain hormones or problems with the way the body uses hormones.

Assisted reproductive technology (ART)
ART treatments involve obtaining sperm through normal ejaculation, surgical extraction or from donor individuals, depending on your specific case and wishes. The sperm is then inserted into the female genital tract, or used to perform in vitro fertilization.

In the rare cases where male fertility problems can’t be treated, and it’s impossible for a man to father a child, your doctor may suggest that you and your partner consider either adoption or  surrogacy and may even refer you to an agency such as Shared Conception. We are here to assist you.

Momma cats and dogs do it. Expectant birds do it. And, if
you’re like many human moms-to-be, you’re doing it. What are we talking about?
Nesting–preparing your “nest” for your soon-to-arrive baby! The
difference here is that you are the surrogate mom and so you will not be taking
home this particular sweet baby. His/her intended  parents will enjoy that
life-changing moment.

However, one of the many questions we do get asked here at
 Shared Conception, is about nesting and the  surrogate.  Does
the surrogate mom still get the nesting instinct  as do the majority of
pregnant women? 

The answer in a nutshell  is a resounding
“YES.”  For the majority of surrogates, nesting happens and yes,
their house gets cleaned and all their DIY projects actually happen. After all,
your body doesn’t know that the baby won’t be permanently yours, it only knows
that it’s pregnant.

This  nesting instinct during pregnancy can be quite
powerful. Productive, as well — driving a legion of pregnant mommas to sweep
out the garage, pair up all the stray socks that have wandered into the Laundry
Room Bermuda Triangle and brighten the bathroom grout lines with a toothbrush.
If the nesting instinct hits your nest as you’re preparing for childbirth, make
the most of it — after all, you never know when this instinct will strike
again. 

                               

Here are a few nesting experiences from surrogates.

“Oh, it’s physical for me.  Nothing is safe when I
get nesting.  I make checklist after checklist and they usually get done
by the time the baby is born.  I’m sooo looking forward to it.”
Ida. 

“Nesting does happen in a surrogate pregnancy! I went
nesting crazy with DS and the house stayed so clean and organized! I even got
up the motivation to go through boxes of junk and take stuff to goodwill, which
I never do when I’m not pregnant! Ha ha.” Ally

“I had major nesting on and off the whole time. Which
was really bad since I was on bed rest. My hubby thought I was insane
sometimes. It was nice. I made six trips to Goodwill in my Ford  Expedition.”
Sarah

“Yep, I nest  a lot!!  It was nice to have
that burst of energy to do things like clean out drawers and closets and not
have it used to make a nursery!  All that energy got to benefit the family
quite a bit. :-)” Amity

Of course, every surrogate’s body is different and nesting
may not occur in each and every pregnancy. But it’s nice to know that
 even though this specific baby is being nurtured for the intended
parents, a good majority of surrogate moms still go through the ritual of nesting
while pregnant. Shared Conception encourages all surrogates to enjoy these
moments as they all form the unique experience of helping another family
complete their family.

 

 

So you are
an intended parent and your family and friends are excited about throwing you a
fun-filled and festive baby shower. 
Sounds great but for you, there is only one hiccup   Your surrogate mother happens to live
relatively close by, you all have a great rapport and you would love to include
her in all the pomp and circumstance of the baby shower.  After all, she’s the one doing the hard work–carrying
your baby!  How do you include her in your
special day when everyone else is celebrating your impending
motherhood?  

Shared
Conception has a few solutions for you.

1. If
   you can, send her and her significant other on a well-deserved mini-getaway or
   out to a nice meal.  The getaway doesn’t
   have to be extravagant, just relaxing and tasteful. If providing a quick
   getaway isn’t an option, send your surrogate mother and her family out for a
   day in her city or the nearest seaside town or splurge on nice meal for them.

2. Planning
   a separate party for her after the baby is born would be a wonderful way to
   honor her, before or after the getaway. Invite both her friends and your family
   members and toast her contribution to your family.

3. Before
   your shower guests arrive, you could potentially present your surrogate mother
   with a special gift or a gift certificate to be used any way she’d like. Also,
   feel free to include her in the shower festivities–allow her to help open
   gifts, or help you record the names of gift-givers.

                                                      

Keep in mind
that during the shower, you’re in a unique position. Most moms-to-be are fawned
over, but by that point in their pregnancy they’re typically uncomfortable and
unsteady on their feet, and sit for the duration of their showers. You can
completely set your surrogate at ease while making her as comfortable as
possible and fawn over her a bit, as you both enjoy the festivities. With a
little bit of advance planning, your shower can be for you as the new
mom-to-be, while your surrogate is comfortable while feeling useful, and after
the birth, she can indulge in her own getaway and thoroughly enjoy herself.

It’s always neat and inspirational to hear about siblings who wholeheartedly support each other through thick and thin. Here’s a true story about two sisters who shared childhood memories, family and yes, even a baby…. all through the gift of surrogacy.

*My sister and I have always been the best of friends. In fact, I can’t remember anything that we haven’t shared over the years, from the same bedroom growing up, to a beautiful baby boy born almost three years ago.
The decision to become a surrogate for my sister was a very easy one for me – in fact, she was the one that needed convincing. I never had any doubts about wanting to be my sister’s surrogate but would my husband be able to accept the situation as well as my family? I had four children of my own – the youngest, an infant at the time. With our families and church support, we continued with the process.

We were encouraged to make everything as legal as possible, which was no small undertaking as we resided in different states. We took care of all the legalities and kept moving forward.
I am very blessed to have a very giving husband who was willing to weather through the dry spells with me, but not all couples may be able to handle the “newly pregnant” side of surrogacy.
My pregnancy proceeded without any major complications. My sister and her husband were able to be there for the ultrasound when we found out “it” was a “he” – (I’ll never forget my brother-in-law’s face).

My sister took a leave of absence starting in the eighth month and came down to help me with our brood. This was a blessing, as my husband broke his leg one and a half weeks before the baby was born.
We had cleared our desire to have my sister and brother-in-law at the birth with both the doctor and the hospital – a very important detail – ahead of time, so the resulting experience was a memory I will cherish forever. As soon as my nephew was born, they laid him in my sister’s arms and her husband cut the cord and we all had a happy and relieved cry. The hospital staff was wonderful in accommodating our wishes to have my sister sleep in with me -she took over all care of the baby from the very beginning. I really feel that this helped her bond with her son and gave her the confidence she needed to feel comfortable with him. I stayed in the background as much as I could. I specifically did not try to nurse him as I had my own babies. I knew that would be testing myself a little too hard. We stayed at the hospital for two days and were all released together. My nephew went home with his Mom and Dad and Granny. And I went home to my family and Grandpa.

                                           

I really feel that I have the best of all surrogacy situations. Since my sister’s family is out of state, I have the distance that helped ease any pain of separation and yet I get to see all the pictures and have all the visits that I want. I also have the assurance that I’ll always be part of his life. Most of all, I have the satisfaction of sharing the only thing my sister and I weren’t able to share – the joys and trials of parenthood. We do plan on telling him about the special circumstances of his conception and birth someday, but for right now -I’m enjoying being called “Auntie” and hearing the joy in my sister’s voice when she says: Do you know what your nephew did today?”

Shared Conception is a surrogacy agency that is just as elated as the families involved when the surrogacy experience is so gratifying and heartwarming. Of course, whether it’s a smooth road or a rocky journey, we stand ready to competently and compassionately navigate each unique situation. We hope you have enjoyed reading and learning about a few of the families who have utilized the surrogacy process as much as we have enjoyed sharing them these last few weeks. Call on us to see how we can help you complete your family.

*True story by Joan Merchlinsky

It has been said that you start
your own life, not wait for someone to start it for you. Many single
males are doing just that, jump-starting their own lives and not waiting for
“Mrs Right” to appear before starting a family. Many of these men go
to  a surrogacy agency such as Shared Conception to start the process of
selecting the best surrogate who may have his baby. “David”  is
one of these single dads who has successfully found  the right surrogate
and is now a proud single father. 

*Time and again, on his morning commute,
David found himself scowling about the night before–yet another dead-end date.
There he was, a successful 39-year-old, with a flourishing ophthalmology
business and a decent income. All he wanted was to fall in love and start a
family–unlike so many men, he actually wanted to commit. But he never was
lucky in love.

“I had a few relationships, but
nothing ever lasted more than a year,” David shrugs. “I don’t know
why. Maybe I’m too focused on my work. Maybe it’s because I live in Flint,
Michigan–I’m sure it’s easier in New York. Also, you know, I started off
looking for a Jewish girl. Out here, we call them JAPs: Jewish-American
Princesses. I wasn’t so picky after a while.”

Every day, he would pass a billboard on
his drive to work: “Dream of having a family but can’t?” So one
morning, after “the date that broke the camel’s back,” he decided to
pay the advertised agency a visit.

That was in 2002. Now he is the father
of twin boys, 15 months old–Philip and Benjamin.

“Believe me, it’s not an easy
decision,” says David. Unassuming and soft-spoken, he seems an unlikely
candidate for such a bold step. But behind his modest demeanour lies a grim
determination. “I had to try five times over 3 years before my surrogate
got pregnant but she finally got pregnant!’  .

                                  

For David, it was an long and yes,
somewhat costly experience, but the outcome is exactly what he desired. He has
his boys, he has his family.  Shared Conception can help you fulfill your
familial desires. Connect with us and find out how. 

*with excerpts from Sanjiv Bhattacharya