11 20 15

Managing Surrogacy Relationships: Shared Conception Will Help You!

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The options of starting a family through surrogacy are peaking. Demand and competition are driving the clinical costs down, and it’s more affordable for couples who want their own biological child or who want to raise a newborn through the gift of surrogacy and egg donation.

The giver of the gift of surrogacy and the people who are accepting it have needs and expectations of how the relationship should develop. If a comprehensive plan hasn’t been made, then complications can arise.

Let’s start by giving a hypothetical situation.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith need the help of a surrogate.  They accept the offer from a friend, Mary.   They feel comfortable with this friendship and trust that this woman will take care of herself during the pregnancy.  Mary asks for a certain amount of money to cover costs during pregnancy, and the Smiths agree.  In the back of their mind, Mary is being “paid” to carry their baby.

Mary gets pregnant via in vitro fertilization (IVF) and is now carrying twins for the Smiths.  The Smiths call her every day to see how she is. They ask if they can do anything. They want to attend all the appointments.  They ask the OB if Mary’s working, eating, sleeping and sexual activities are OK for their babies.

Mary feels overwhelmed and micromanaged.  After all, she has given birth before, and she knows what she is doing.  Resentment sets in. Soon she is avoiding phone calls and gritting her teeth through appointments, and her husband is wondering what in the world they got themselves into!  The Smiths feel her pulling away and become worried and start to mistrust her actions.  They have a right to ask these questions.  After all, they are “paying” her, and she is carrying their children.  The rest of the pregnancy is filled with stress on both sides, as Mary now can’t wait to give birth and get these people off her back.

The babies are born healthy and strong, and the Smiths take them home.  Now Mary hardly EVER hears from them. It may be months before she even sees them, and they used to be close friends.  She feels used and left behind, forgetting how she felt during the pregnancy.  Regret sets in.

As for the Smiths, they are coping with two new lives!  They are not getting the sleep they used to and bills from the surrogacy and new babies are piling up.  Their lives have been turned upside down, and they can barely get time alone with each other let alone make calls to Mary.

Discussing Expectations Can you see what happened?  No one really discussed expectations. The before, during and after pregnancy relationship needs were not met, and therefore, a bad taste has been left behind where the beauty of families working together to bring a much-wanted child into the world should have been.

Before anyone makes the choice of surrogacy, certain aspects need to be thoroughly thought out and discussed. Here is a short list:

*     Should a family member be asked to be a surrogate?
*     Would a friend be a good choice? (If the answer is yes in either of these categories, then there is a separate         list of concerns to think about.)
*     What race, religion and marital status would you like a surrogate to be?
*    What is the working status preference of a surrogate?
*     What do you envision your role in the pregnancy?
*     What are your expectations as to the amount of contact with the surrogate during and after the pregnancy?
*     What are the financial expectations, and how will that be handled?

These questions are just the tip of the iceberg, but they open up a dialog and can make a huge difference in a surrogate relationship.

Having someone to mediate is also helpful.  A successful surrogate arrangement can be done independently, but having a third party assist you with relationship management can be invaluable.  Having a third party to handle the escrow account can be a great relief on both the intended parents and surrogate.  Mixing the topics of money and babies is a sticky situation at best and should be avoided – if possible – in order to concentrate on the pregnancy and the surrogacy relationship.  A well-managed escrow account can also make all the difference.

Contact Shared Conception for information on having someone assist you in the surrogacy process. We are happy to help.

11 13 15

Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers Or Gestational Carriers

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If you are a woman who wants to be a gestational carrier or traditional surrogate independently, without the help of an agency, then you need to really consider what you are getting yourself into.

Surrogacy is a life changing endeavor and as great as it sounds in theory, in practice it’s a huge undertaking. Looking into ‘independent’ surrogacy situations is most common among those who are finding it difficult to raise the full amount of funds needed and therefore will consider cutting corners. Women who are compelled to help couples and individuals sometimes find themselves compromising their beliefs out of the goodness of their hearts. Below are 14 common mistakes to avoid. Its so important to be true to own ideals…that is one of the best gifts you can give to your Intended Parent(s) and to yourself!

Giving out personal information, especially before a contract is signed, such as social security numbers and release of medical information to anyone but the attorney, psychologist or clinic.

Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed.

Not having your own legal representation when reviewing your surrogacy contract.

Being ‘talked into’ agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style i.e. abortion, selective reduction, working with IP’s that you don’t feel comfortable with, etc.

Not insisting that all compensation, per the contract, be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer.

Agreeing to at home inseminations (IUI)

Going without term Life Insurance of at least $250,000 (or any insurance policy for that matter).

Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, c-section reimbursements and child care, etc. because you don’t think you will ever need them.

Thinking that it’s OK to use federal or state funded medical insurance for a surrogate pregnancy.

Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy.

Excerpts from Sharon Lamothe

10 30 2015

Helpful Tips to Soothe Pregnancy–Related Nausea

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Nausea, or morning sickness, in pregnancy is incredibly common, and is generally a good sign that the pregnancy is healthy. However, this fact does little to help ease the discomfort throughout the day, or when you, the surrogate, is bent over the toilet! With surrogacy, there are certain factors that can increase the intensity and duration of the nausea, such as:

Medications – While the exact reason behind nausea during pregnancy is not known, many believe it has to do with increasing hormone levels. Since surrogates use hormones, such as estrogen and progesterone, to help create an environment ideal for a pregnancy to occur, this can also increase the chances they’ll have nausea. Since surrogates generally take these medication at least until 10-12 weeks (average) of pregnancy, this means they might have nausea earlier, and longer, than during one of their own pregnancies.

Multiples – Anytime a woman undergoes IVF procedures, there is a higher chance for multiples to occur. Twin, triplet, and higher order multiple pregnancies usually cause women to experience higher levels of nausea, and for a longer period of time. Of course, the usual (potential) causes for nausea also apply during a surrogate pregnancy, and can include: low blood sugar, emotional stress and/or fatigue, traveling, and some foods. While there is no sure-fire way to prevent nausea during pregnancy, there are a few ways to naturally mitigate the effects. What may work for one woman may not work for another, so a bit of trial and error is sometimes needed to find what will help.

Here are a few of our tried and true all natural nausea remedies:

Ginger Products – These have proven effective against morning sickness, and generally include: ginger ale, ginger candy, ginger tea, or even simply inhaling the scent of fresh ginger.

Protein and Complex Carbs – Peanut butter on apple slices, or celery sticks; nuts (unsalted); cheese; crackers; milk; cottage cheese; and yogurt.

Snack – Eat every 1-2 hours throughout the day, small portions, and drink plenty of fluids between meals. Also, have a small snack at bedtime, and if you get up to go to the bathroom in

Plain, and/or dry foods – Eat some soda crackers before you get out of bed, and allow some time for digestion. Also, try eating white rice, dry toast, broth, saltines, or a plain baked potato inlieu of adding anything richer or creamier to your meal.

Hard Candy – Suck on hard candy, such as Preggie Pops (or a similar brand), ginger candy, ormints. Some people respond better to “hot” items, like the sensation provided by ginger, while others respond better to the “cold”, like with mints.

Vitamin B6 – If you’d rather take a B6 supplement, consult your doctor or midwife beforehand to make sure it’s right for you. However, there are foods rich in B6 that may help ease nausea, and a few are: poultry, sweet potatoes & potatoes (with skin), sunflower seeds, spinach, bananas, avocado, and garbanzo beans/chickpeas.

Acupressure – There are acupressure wristbands that are generally used for motion sickness, but have also been found to help with morning sickness.

Ventilation – Keep rooms well ventilated, or have a small fan nearby for easier breathing. This

can also help reduce common smells in your home or work that contribute to your nausea.

Aromatherapy – Some have found that fresh, citrus scents help, such lemon, lime, or orange,

as well as peppermint, spearmint, or ginger. Essential oils in a diffuser are a great resource

Acupuncture – If you would like to try acupuncture as a method of reducing your nausea,

consult your doctor or midwife beforehand, and look for an acupuncturist who is trained to work

Prenatal Vitamins – Try taking your prenatal vitamins at night, and check with your doctor or midwife about the iron levels in the vitamins you are currently taking. Switching to a vitamin that is lower in iron may help reduce nausea.

Rest – Listen to your body, and get plenty of rest. Some women have the reaction of becoming nauseous if they do not get enough sleep.

Things you can avoid to potentially help with reducing nausea

• Avoid the foods or smells that make you nauseous. At times this is easier said than done, but it can help if you take a route through the mall to avoid the food court, refrain from cooking certain meals, or asking your spouse/partner to avoid a particular cologne or perfume until

• Avoid secondhand smoke. This is good advice for pregnancy in general, and can also help

• Avoid taking medications for morning sickness, unless specifically instructed by your doctor Nothing is working! What should I do? For some, nothing you can change or do, will help with the nausea, and you may want to consult your doctor or midwife if absolutely nothing is yielding results. That being said, sometimes there truly is nothing that can be done, but to remember that for most women. While nausea is certainly not an enjoyable part of pregnancy, for most it will pass with the first trimester, or early into the second. Hopefully something on the list above will help you through these weeks, and congratulations to you and the intend parents on the pregnancy!

10 16 15

Placenta Encapsulation

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Placenta Encapsulation Specialists encapsulate women’s placentas for them so they can consume it after giving birth. When carefully and properly prepared for consumption, the placenta can nourish the postpartum mother just as it did for the baby in your womb. Through training, these specialists prepare and dehydrate the placenta, grind it up and put it in little vitamin like capsules so that mom can then take the capsules and get all the wonderful postpartum benefits.

This method is known as Placentophagy. Encapsulation is a great “middle ground” for those that want to have the healing benefits of consuming their placenta without actually having to eat it outright. You can hire a trained professional to come to your home to do the encapsulation process there or, depending on what state you live in, some will provide the services in their own personal sterile kitchens. When the encapsulation specialist hands you the capsules two days after the birth, you would have no idea there was placenta inside.

Some of the benefits of placenta encapsulation include:
• Faster postpartum recovery
• Less likely to have “baby blues” and can help ease symptoms of postpartum depression
• Increase to your breast milk supply (if you plan pump for your intended parents or donate it)
• Gives you a boost of energy
• Lessens the feeling of fatigue
• Hormonal balancing

Placenta encapsulation and surrogacy
How can you benefit from placenta encapsulation as a surrogate? All of the hormones that are in the placenta are your very own hormones even if the DNA of the baby you are carrying does not match your own. Giving birth is still giving birth, so as a surrogate you still have to go through these natural hormonal fluctuations. Typically, as a surrogate you get to rest more than a woman that also has to care for a newborn baby immediately after giving birth and that certainly does help with your recovery. However, placenta encapsulation can help you bounce back even quicker with a smoother transition back into your pre-pregnancy life.

All of the oxytocin in the encapsulated placenta will help ease any sad feelings and make the emotional transition a bit smoother for her. In addition, many surrogates provide breast milk to the intended parents for a certain amount of time after the birth. In some cases, the surrogate will provide breast milk for a long and extended period of time. When exclusively using a breast pump to express breast milk, it can be difficult to stimulate the breast enough to produce an adequate amount of milk both in a timely manner initially after the birth, as well as, for an extended period of time after that. This is because the breast pump isn’t as effective at stimulating and expressing milk as baby suckling at the breast is.

Typically, when taking the placenta capsules within two days of giving birth your milk supply will not only come in sooner but you will also have a larger supply one your milk comes in. This can make your breast milk pumping relationship with your pump much easier on you. You might even be willing to supply breast milk for a longer period of time because you will be expressing a larger milk quantity for each pumping session.

Accessibility to a Placenta Encapsulation Specialist and the rates for encapsulation services will vary based on where you live.

DISCLAIMER: The information on this page has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The services offered by any Placenta Encapsulation Specialists are not clinical, pharmaceutical, or intended to diagnose or treat any condition. Families who choose to utilize the services on this page take full responsibility of their own health and for researching and using the remedies discussed above.

 

Double Trouble… being sick while pregnant

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“Oh man – oh man – oh man. UGH! I was just starting to feel better. No more nausea, no more vomiting; I can finally keep things down and morning sickness was slowly becoming a thing of the past. Then…BAM! I’ve got a cold. That stuffy, achy, icky-ness feeling that I wish would just go away. With so many changes already going on in my body and so many things I can’t do, eat or take during pregnancy, this is just the icing on the cake isn’t it? What can I do? What can I take? Is it worth it, or do I just suffer? Blah….”

Luckily, most doctors have a list of “approved” products that are safe for you and the baby. Unfortunately, it’s a rather short list and even shorter during your first trimester. Good-old-fashioned-home-remedies may even work better for you. However, always, always, always check with your health care provider and referring your surrogate contract before taking anything herbal or over the counter. Even if it’s what your mom, your grandma and your great-grandma took and what all your friends suggest. It’s better to double check with the pros and be safe than sorry. You never know for sure what new discoveries have been made in the last couple of years and for the safety of that little one (and you) it’s always best to ask beforehand. There is never such a thing as too many, or too stupid, a question when it comes to your health. That is especially true when it comes to prenatal care. Also, that stuffy nose you’ve got may not even be a cold in the first place.

A lot of woman, (around 30%), are congested during their pregnancy, it’s a condition called Rhinitis of Pregnancy, and it has nothing to do with allergies or a viral infection. It has to do with the high amounts of estrogen and blood in your body causing swelling in the mucus membranes and blood vessels in your nose. This leads to congestion, runny nose, sneezing and mild headaches.. Your risk of sinus infections also increases when you are pregnant, so if you feel pressure, pain, are coughing, have a fever, swelling or any other symptoms, contact your provider for help.

Another culprit are those pesky allergies that you had before the pregnancy. They run amuck once you get pregnant and can increase in potency. There are a few medications a doctor can prescribe for you that are safe to take, but it may be best to just try to stay away from the source for a while, considering that you can get pregnancy rhinitis on top of any of these lovely allergies.

                                              

What you can do is this: keep elevated and use pillows, pillows and more pillows. Take them all from your partner. You’re allowed…seeing as you are probably kicking off all of the covers anyway, it’s a fair trade. Drink plenty of liquids and hang out in your warm bathroom after a shower for a bit or wet a washcloth with warm water and breath through it for a while. It’ll be a nice soothing relief from congestion. Some people like saline drops or spray (Saline only! No added stuff) to clear everything out. Vaporizers and humidifiers also work well at night; just make sure you clean them regularly. The last thing you need is more irritants and bacteria floating around. Also, avoid anything that may be an irritant. Do your work out indoors on days when the air quality is poor. Stay away from smokers, paint and chemical fumes (which you should be doing anyways) and get your partner to dust and clean any mold and/or pet dander from inside your home. As mentioned before, there are so many different methods and home remedies out there.  I’ve only mentioned a few.

What are some of the methods you use?  What Holy Grail of discoveries can you offer those sick in the morning (afternoon, evening and sometimes midnight)?

Oh the Changes! Your NEW pregnancy boobs!

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I’m So much goes on in a woman’s body during pregnancy. Some noticeable to the observer, some not so much. Your breasts are definitely a noticeable one. Usually, to the greater satisfaction of your partner. Hands off though, ‘cause: Ouch! Those things are for looking only, no touching at first. They will be so tender, but boy are they perky. Go ahead and enjoy them while they are still all yours. Take as many glances in the mirror or pretend to be looking down at your shirt and check yourself out as much as you can! Enjoy!

Our surrogacy agency will admit that there ARE some less enjoyable aspects of your new boobs…There are several other things, besides their size,  that may happen throughout your 40 weeks. They’ll get tender; your nipples may stick out more and/or get darker; you might notice some stretch marks (coco butter works well); You may even get your colostrum (a watery yellowish pre-milk substance loaded with nutrients for the newborn)  leaking from them near the end of your journey.

After delivery, it doesn’t get easier right away. We are going to let you know something that no one ever told us  before we had kids: breastfeeding, pumping, and/or stopping your milk production can HURT! That’s right, it can all be painful and uncomfortable. No matter which route you take — nursing, expressing for someone, or using formula — you’ll get rock hard breasts and your nipples will get sore. Sometimes they crack and oh-ho-ho that hurts! If you’re not allergic, lanolin is a godsend for those babies. When you do stop your milk production, the best recommendations we have are these: Frozen cabbage leaves tucked into your bra (we kid you not, they really DO work!). It really relieves the pressure. Many say to take a warm shower. Warning: That is an immediate fix only! It will encourage your breasts to produce MORE milk, not stop it. You’ll just be starting a vicious cycle of pain and relief over and over again. They make breast pads to catch the leaks but those can be pricy.  Our team has found that just buying pantie-liners or pads (depending how heavy you leak) and cutting them in half works just as well. They also conveniently have that sticky back to attach to whatever clothing you may be wearing.

The boob fairy give(ith) and she take(ith) away. You may be one of the lucky ones that get to keep your perky and full pregnancy boobs. Most of our surrogates just kind of go  back to their pre-pregnancy size. Other surrogates say they got what they call “Mom boobs.” Bigger but saggier. It really is the luck of the draw. It’s all part of that ever changing process we woman chose to go through to procreate. Definitely, well worth it if you ask me.

                                              

 

Super Foods and Villainous Eats

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No Drinking, No Smoking. No raw fish. Unpasteurized dairy is a no-no. No undercooked meats. No raw cookie dough . Tuna?! Deli meats? Ceviche and smoked fish? No. NO CAFFEINE.

There are so many “no’s” when you are pregnant, so many “watch out” and “be careful of” moments, that it’s hard to remember them all. Yes, It can be intense.  The mantra of “it’s for the baby, it’s for the baby” helps but many surrogates still ache for sushi and drinks.

The nice thing is when you take care of yourself during pregnancy, you feel better physically as well as emotionally. As a result, there are many “super foods” to combine and discover that it can actually be kind of fun to play around and branch out from your normal diet. Some of these combinations may even become some of your favorite meals!

                               

Let’s look at a few of these amazing foods for women and their developing babies.

Leafy and super green veggies:Broccoli, Kale, Spinach, etc–All really are great sources of foliate, fiber, calcium, potassium and vitamin A.  Also, they have stuff you’ve probably never heard of like lutein, zeaxanthin and carotenoids. You can stir-fry it, roast it, make salads, and sneak it into smoothies. Just eat it!

Brightly colored fruits and berries:Blueberries, mangos, kiwis, strawberries, plums, bananas, etc–all packed with good carbohydrates, an alphabet full of vitamins, potassium, foliate, fiber and phytonutrients. Eat them on their own or with yogurt, cereal or pancakes or make smoothies or fruit salads.

Nuts, beans and seeds: Garbanzo (chickpeas), lentils, black beans, soybeans, walnuts, sunflower seeds, etc–These are full of protein, iron, fiber, foliate, zinc and calcium. These little wonders are good brain food and great for snacks, salads, soups, chili, pasta or hummus.

Dairy (pasteurized), eggs, salmon and lean beef:Protein, Vitamins A, D, B6 and 12, niacin, zinc, iron, choline, omega-3’s to name a few and all help with baby’s development. Cheeses, yogurts, omelets, grilled or in a sandwich.

These are just a few “super foods” off the top of our head. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, will point you in the right direction to healthy eating as you journey on your surrogate pregnancy.

The main thing is to just not stress. Take care of yourself and the baby will benefit from it, too.  Do your best to get out of bad habits and routines. So much less will weigh on you when you just make a conscious effort to be healthier in what you eat. You’ll have more energy and a clear peace of mind that you are doing all you can not just for you, but for that dependent little life inside as well.

Shared Conception looks forward to hearing from you as you consider becoming a surrogate or an intended parent. And yes, we will even talk “super foods” with you!  Give us a call.

Casual Encounters of Surrogates Out and About in the Community

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As a surrogacy agency who consistently works with surrogates, we thought you all would enjoy true stories of encounters surrogates have had while out and about in their community. Read on.

“My neighbor comes out and takes her kids to school at the same time I do almost every morning (they go to a different school otherwise we’d totally car pool). We’re not close, but we’re civil: “Hi,” “Good Morning,” “Going to be cold isn’t it?” that kind of thing.  She saw how I was pregnant throughout the year but we never really talked about it. She smiled at the bump and asked if it was a girl or a boy? I just said “girl” and smiled back. We’re in that morning rush and I wasn’t going to pull her aside to tell her I’m a surrogate, explain the whole deal to her, and make our kids late to school and most likely freak her out in the process. It just wasn’t convenient.
Well, after I had delivered and was up on my feet again taking the girls to school, she sees me. Clearly not pregnant anymore and… no baby anywhere… no car seat… no nothing. I said “Good morning”, smiled and pulled away. I could tell she was thoroughly confused. Her eyes were processing. Should she be apologetic, sympathetic? Had something terrible happened? But I was happy, not grieving? What had I done with the child! The next few times we saw each other, I could tell she was clearly baffled but she never brought it up and since then she doesn’t really speak to me at all. I can tell I unsettle her but I don’t feel like I need to explain my life to an almost stranger. I’m friendly and open so maybe someday she’ll ask. Especially now that I’m going to do it again :)”

“I’ve had many similar situations with the people I see on a daily basis. The ones you’re not close to but are friendly enough to say hello to. The crossing guard at my daughter’s school, my bank teller, the lady who always seems to get in the elevator at the same time I do, the dad picking up his son in my daughter’s class, every one of these people has made casual remarks about me being pregnant. I’ll vaguely answer “It’s a girl,” “due in September,” or “I don’t know the name yet.”  And if I have the time or I feel comfortable enough around them I’ll tell them what’s what and that: “it’s not mine”, or “I’m a surrogate.” I never, ever know how they’ll react. I had the check-out lady at Target come around the register, give me a big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and with tears in her eyes tell me what a wonderful thing I was doing; since her daughter couldn’t conceive and she knew how I was changing someone’s life. That was totally unexpected and made me cry (also I was hormonal from being pregnant at the time). I had a man look at me in disgust and snidely remark to his wife that he could never allow her to “sell a baby”. My husband had to pull me away at that point (again, hormonal and would most likely have ripped him a new one).”

 

                  

“There was that one time I was out with my 5 year old and a woman made a comment to her about getting a little brother or sister and my daughter looked up at her and quipped “It’s not even ours.”  I’ve never seen a woman walk away so quickly without trying to look like it. Awkward! But I have to admit I laughed after she left.
My kids have been great with this. They absolutely loved everything about me being a surrogate for another couple. They don’t want any more sibling competition and are happy that Mommy is helping others to become parents too. They get it. I think it clicked more easily for them than it did with my friends. I have found that my 8 year old had been telling her teacher and all her school friends about me before I had a chance to myself. Her teacher then bragged to other teachers about what I was doing so that when I went in to tell her, everyone knew already and it was no big deal.”

At Shared Conception, we have found that people will always amaze you. For better or worse. Our surrogacy agency have found it’s usually for the better. And what’s more amazing is that surrogacy is becoming “The New Normal.” People tend to just be curious these days instead of ignorant or closed minded.  Call us up, we are happy to talk to you about all things surrogacy.

The Benefits of a Prenatal Massage

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A surrogate once remarked, “I did it! I finally decided I was worth being taken care of and allowed myself what I had previously considered a luxury: a prenatal massage. You’d think after three pregnancies, I would have done it ages ago; however, I am a very stubborn and “tough” girl who doesn’t believe in “wasting” money on things purely for me. Boy was I wrong. It was wonderful and it will not be the last time I go. This looks like it’ll become a regular thing for me now that I know better. I felt so much more relaxed afterwards. And I slept! I actually slept through the whole night! This never, ever happens to me, especially during a pregnancy.”

What is a prenatal massage and how is it different from a regular massage? A prenatal massage is a specialized technique that is designed for a woman usually in her second trimester up to part way through her third trimester. It’s meant to improve circulation, give you some energy, and take some of the strain away from your over-worked muscles and joints. It uses a lighter pressure and you lay on your sides as opposed to your back and tummy. Lying on your back is never a good idea when you’re pregnant. The weight of the baby and uterus blocks circulation to the placenta. This can cause complications that no amount of massage can help. It is a little more difficult for the masseuse to rub you down at this angle, but far safer.

Prenatal massages also have the same great benefits as any regular massage does. Loads of studies have shown that they relax and loosen tight muscles, reduce cortisol (that nasty stress hormone), increase blood flow, keeps the lymphatic system going strong and flushes toxins out of the body. Just be sure to drink plenty of water afterwards as massages releases toxins that have built up in your muscles to float freely through your body, which can make you sick if you are not properly hydrated afterward.

What all this means is, that with regular prenatal massages you should become generally more relaxed. They help relieve insomnia, get rid of joint pain, and relieve swelling, headaches and even sinus congestion. Also, let’s not forget to mention all those neck, back, hip, leg and sciatica pains you will no longer experience as much.

Here are just a few warnings to keep you safe and happy. First, make sure a prental massage is not prohibited by your surrogacy contract.  Secondly, the first trimester is a little too risky for a massage.  With everything changing, it’s just not a good time (especially for surrogates or anyone getting assistance with conception). Also, research your masseuse first, don’t just go anywhere. People who specialize in this type of massage need to be specifically trained in prenatal massages. The right hands work miracles, the wrong ones could put you in the hospital. New studies are showing that the amount of trust you have in someone is equal to the amount of relaxation you will allow yourself to feel. If you don’t 100% trust that person, you won’t be able to reap all the physiological benefits. Lastly, stay away from those ankles! They don’t know exactly why yet, but when you rub those bad boys, it can start labor. Unless you are past your due date, keep away. Just skip down to those well deserving (probably slightly larger) feet of yours.

Now I’ll  excuse you as you go book that prenatal massage appointment…!

Excerpts Diana Van De Voort

                                                       

 

Explaining Surrogacy to your Kids…as the Surrogate

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One of the things surrogates are asked quite frequently is  “How do you explain surrogacy to your kids? Isn’t that going to be hard on them?” People asking this are concerned that  the surrogate’s children would be confused that they didn’t take the baby home. Surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, can guide a surrogate with a way to explain to young children about surrogacy.

Extreme Babysitting
One surrogate  explained that she would be taking care of her Intended Mother and Father’s baby in her tummy.  She said they were giving her  their baby to watch and help grow, and when he/she was all grown and healthy, she would be giving him/her back to them. She simply explained it as long term babysitting. She wanted to be sure that her children knew that from the beginning this child was not theirs. She was simply trusted to care for it, and then would give it back to it’s mommy the way their babysitter gave back her own son and daughter. She also made sure to tell her kiddos that she would  never give them away. Just reassuring them of this fact every once in a while is smart to do.

Another surrogate called her Surro-baby “Intended mother and Father’s baby” to her children all the time, continuing to reinforce to them that this baby was different.

One of our surrogates explained it to her kids by saying that “_____’s belly was broken so Mommy is helping by using my belly to grow the baby for them!”  They understood it because it made sense to them and was on their level.

There are also several books that are written specifically for children of surrogates. One our surrogacy agency recommends is “The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children” by  Sarah Phillips Pellet (Author), Laurie A. Faust (Illustrator). Very age appropriate and well thought out!

                                                         

Preparing Children for After the Birth

It is also important to explain how everything will work after the baby is born. Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, familiar. This is why establishing routines with children are often recommended by pediatricians and practices in early childhood education. To lessen the shock of a new experience, and for most children a pregnant mother and giving birth is a new experience, it’s important to talk about the birth and to talk about it frequently.

A good example is “Mommy is going to go to the hospital so IM & IF’s baby can come out and be with her parents, then mommy gets to come home and be with you guys again! We can snuggle and continue to be just us.”

Keep the explanation short, and use words they can relate to. When one surrogate gave birth to her surrogate baby,  her IP’s had all of them come visit in their room so that the surrogate’s children could see that the baby was safe with her parents. This is extremely important if that  relationship exists  with the IPs. It simply brought it to a beautiful conclusion for them. Children need reassurance that they are loved, and what to expect in situations that are big like this.

Surrogacy is life changing, and a journey that the whole family participates in. Making it a relatable subject to little kids makes the adjustments and changes easier to accept. Call us here at Shared Conception and let’s talk.