As if surrogacy isn’t complex enough, when you add a loss or miscarriage to the process, the heartbreak is spread throughout all involved. A loss is devastating for everyone, but for a gestational carrier, the feeling of grief for your loss and the loss for your Intended Parents is a double whammy. The emotional aftermath is a roller coaster surrogates are at risk of encountering.

It is common to feel the sense of responsibility for the miscarriage even though you know that you didn’t do anything wrong. Your role as a surrogate is an important one. This is a lot of weight on your shoulders. Here are some suggestions to help heal with a surrogate miscarriage.

Listen to your body. Going from being pregnant to not being pregnant will present a considerable shift in hormones. This may make the healing process more difficult. Always speak to your doctor about how you are feeling. Postpartum depression can affect you regardless of when a miscarriage happens or when a baby is delivered.

Get plenty of rest. Your heart is healing as well as your body. Let nothing but happiness and positivity surround you. Try to maintain your normal routines and keep yourself occupied as best as you can. This may even be a good time to take up a new hobby.

Remember, whether you are able to move quickly through this loss or are grieving deeply, no one can tell you how you should feel and no feeling is wrong. Sharing your feelings with those who have been through similar situations may help. Shared Conception surrogates use our private, closed Surrogate Facebook group as a tool to connect with other surrogates and share their experiences.

Even though it is becoming uncommon, there are still some Intended Parents who have their surrogates carry multiples. There is also a very small chance that some surrogates who only had one embryo transferred to them, end up carrying twins when the embryo split. No matter how you came across more than one baby, managing multiples as a surrogate is a challenge.

Carrying multiples, although exciting and a happy time for you and your Intended Parents, is much harder than a singleton. It’s harder on your body, mind and everyday life. It also comes with a greater risk of complications. The most common complication is preterm labor and birth. Over half of multiples are premature. These babies are often smaller and have lower birth weight than a full term baby. Preterm babies may require assistance breathing, eating and staying warm. Many preemies serve a stint in neonatal intensive care.

When carrying multiples, you are twice as likely to develop high blood pressure. This is called gestational hypertension. The majority of women with gestational hypertension have healthy pregnancies and babies, but it can also be a sign of other complications. This is why your doctor monitors you blood pressure.

Pregnancy is draining. Pregnancy with multiples is even more draining. If you feel overwhelmingly tired, you may have anemia. Iron-deficiency anemia is most common during pregnancy. Your doctor may prescribe a prescription or suggest iron supplements that are sold over the counter at your local pharmacy. Including iron rich foods into your diet such as: dark leafy greens, red meat, chicken, pork, beans, peas and dried fruit can help prevent anemia.

Embrace those little ones while you have them and just go with the craziness that comes along with being pregnant with multiples. You will have the best experience and stories unlike any single pregnancy.

If you are a surrogate mother or an intended parent, the birthing customs mentioned below is incredibly interesting. Just know that Shared Conception is here to ensure the safe delivery of your baby! Let’s take a quick trip around the world.

         

The Netherlands

Many pregnant women in Holland do not have regular visits to an obstetrician, but are seen by a midwife practice. Doctors and Obstetricians only intervene in high-risk pregnancies or if there are complications during delivery. It is a common choice of Dutch women to decide whether they deliver at home or in a hospital. Surprisingly, most women decide to deliver at home. In fact, all expectant mothers in Holland are required to pick up a kraampakket, a maternity package that includes all of the medical supplies necessary for a home birth. If the delivery is not at home, the midwife checks on the progress of labor at home and then determine whether or not it is time to go to the hospital.

Then Dutch have a unique system of maternity home care called kraamhulp. For seven days after birth to a newborn, a nurse comes to the home, a benefit covered by insurance. She provides medical care, but also helps with the cooking, cleaning, and instructions for the new parents in basic parenting skills.

Japan

Japanese women deliver in hospitals, but it’s not very common to have the father in the room. Fathers are required to have taken prenatal classes with the mother-to-be if they want to be a part of labor and delivery. But, if a cesarean is performed, they must go to the waiting room. Interestingly, hospital stays in Japan are longer than in the U.S.; mothers stay a minimum of a five-days for a vaginal birth and 10 days for a cesarean.

Much like the local custom in the Netherlands, in Japan, mother and baby often stay at the mother’s parents’ home for a month after birth. It is also a tradition that new mothers’ stay in bed with their baby for 21 days. This is a time when friends may visit to see the new baby and join the family in eating the traditional cuisine of osekihan (red rice with red beans).

Brazil

The rate of cesareans in this South American Country is 40 percent, according to the International Cesarean Awareness Network. The rate is even higher in private hospitals. There is speculation that many doctors prefer this procedure in order to receive higher payments from insurance. In Brazil, the doctor-patient relationship is known to be very strong – instead of prenatal classes, women receive most of their information about childbirth from their doctor. With that said, if a woman’s doctor is advocating a c-section, she may well be swayed by his opinion.

It’s always interesting to see how other countries handle childbirth however, Shared Conception is wholly focused on our intended parents and surrogates….and their childbirth experience. If you are thinking about becoming a surrogate or you are an intended parent, call us! We are happy to talk with you.

Pregnancy and food aversions are no strangers to each other. Although a familiar cliché, one minute you want steak and eggs and the next, you cannot even look at an egg without being overcome by waves of nausea. Some have even sent their partners on a midnight run for a pint of ice cream, because, well, you just needed it.

Food aversions most likely occur between week 6-8 of the first trimester and tend to last throughout those first 12 weeks, although food aversions can come and go throughout your entire pregnancy. Aversions are possibly caused by the HCG hormone (human chorionic gonadotropin). This hormone level rises quickly during your first trimester and may be the culprit behind your nausea, aversions and strange appetite.

Common pregnancy aversions are towards foods with strong smells such as: meat, eggs, milk, foods made with overpowering spices, garlic and coffee. You can also crave these foods, as aversions do not discriminate. Listen to your body but make sure you are being properly nourished. If you are trying to get around your aversions, here are some suggestions to follow:

• Hiding leafy greens in a sweet fruit smoothie
• Eating nuts and beans for meat aversions
• Peanut butter and cottage cheese
• A good prenatal vitamin

Make sure you talk to your doctor if your food aversions become problematic. He or she may be able to suggest alternative foods or supplements to make up for the lack of nutrients.

The embryo transfer procedure is usually one of the first questions intended parents and surrogates ask about, when beginning their surrogacy journey with us. Shared Conception is here to answer those questions and take you through the actual procedure.

After the eggs are taken from the intended mother or egg donor, they are examined, sometimes tested and mixed with the intended father or donor sperm. They are then incubated for 3 – 5 days to allow fertilization to occur.

The gestational carrier, or surrogate, intended parents and the reproductive doctor, then consult to determine the number of embryos to transfer. Afterwards, the embryos are placed in the surrogate's uterus via in-vitro fertilization.

The embryo transfer procedure takes place in a fertility clinic or nearby hospital. The process does not cause discomfort and requires no medication or anesthesia. The transfer is performed through the vagina using a catheter inserted through the cervix so the embryos could be inserted into the uterus. The process usually takes approximately 10-15 minutes, and then the surrogate is required to remain at the clinic for at least 1-2 hours after the completion of the transfer procedure to rest. Surrogates are also asked to restrict their activities or to be on bedrest, for 2-3 days following the transfer procedure.

Shared Conception suggests surrogates have an adult companion accompany them to the embryo transfer procedure and stay with them until the clinic staff releases them.

We hope this breakdown of the embryo transfer procedure takes away some of the "mystery" associated with embryo transfers. Shared Conception welcomes the opportunity to talk with you if you are thinking about becoming a surrogate. Contact us soon!

There are many assumptions about surrogates and surrogacy that are completely incorrect. This is often due to the lack of knowledge and education about the process. Surrogacy is actually an intricate process that involves many parties. Lawyers, doctors, psychologists and surrogacy agencies, all have a role in creating a perfect match of Intended Parents and Gestational Carrier. Surprisingly, demands for surrogates are high. There are many other countries where surrogacy is illegal, which brings many international couples to the United States in search of a surrogate mother.

One of the most common misconceptions is that the surrogate mother would be genetically related to the child. A gestational carrier has an embryo, created by the intended mother (or egg donor) and intended father’s sperm (or donor sperm), placed in her uterus. The embryo has no genetic link to the gestational carrier. The surrogate provides a safe, warm and nutritious space for the embryo to thrive.

Getting attached is usually a popular first question when discussing surrogacy. For any mother, the idea alone of parting with their newborn is devastating. For a gestational carrier, it is expected. It is the end of a journey. Only a surrogate can understand the joy of seeing a couple that has tried so hard to start their family, finally be able hold their baby in their arms.

Unfortunately, many hopeful parents are led to believe that surrogacy is unaffordable. It’s not inexpensive but many families have grown their family via surrogacy. Shared Conception is open to talking about finances and helping you make your dreams of a family, a reality.

Surrogacy is slowly becoming more accepted into today’s society. Shared Conception is dedicated to walking you through this process and achieving your goal of creating or expanding your family. Contact us with any questions; we will be happy to speak with you.

Looking forward to the birth process? Most surrogates choose to become surrogates because they have had such a wonderful experience with pregnancy and birth. But, in case the big day doesn’t go the way you and your Intended Parents have planned, or if you already know you will be having a cesarean, here are some tips for pre and post cesarean surgery.

After a cesarean, you are likely to be in the hospital for 3 -5 days. You should bring a picture ID, insurance card and a copy of your pre-birth order. Also, pack a few personal items such as: toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbrush and hair bands, deodorant, chap stick, face wash and moisturizer. The hospital typically provides shampoo, soap and lotion, but pack some if you prefer your own. If you wear contacts, bring your eyeglasses; it may be more comfortable throughout your hospital stay. 

As far as packing is concerned, a bathrobe, nightgown, slippers and a comfortable pair of socks may be the most comfortable for you. For pants and underpants, make sure the waistband is loose enough so it doesn’t press on your incision. Pack a good bra or two in your bag. A comfortable nursing bra, whether you breastfeed, pump, or do not do either, will provide some comfort and support when your milk comes in. 

The first few days after a c-section are delicate days. Laughing may hurt, but moving will actually do you some good. You will feel better when you are upright and improve circulation to prevent blood clots, which can be dangerous. And as unappealing as hospital food may seem, try to eat as soon as you get permission from your doctor. Eating will aid in recovery and give you the energy you need to heal. And what comes hand in hand with eating? Drinking! Stay hydrated! Hydration will help with that very important and sometimes uncomfortable first bowel movement. 

Make sure you take it easy. Keep your scar clean and wear loose fitting clothes. Make sure you check your incision for infection. Have your doctor look at your scar if it becomes tender, swollen, or if liquid is seeping from the incision.

Sources: The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy; The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists educational pamphlet Cesarean Birth