HowDoesaGestationalCarrierChooseHerObstetrician

Your Own OB

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One of the most common questions when inquiring about becoming a surrogate is, “Can I use my own Obstetrician?” The short answer is, yes. Initially, you’re in the care of the fertility doctor who did the IVF transfer. They like to watch over you for majority of the first trimester to make sure that the pregnancy is progressing nicely. Once you’re released from the fertility clinic, you can be cared for by your own obstetrician. This is a breath of fresh air for a surrogate. She is now in safe and familiar hands; many times hands that have delivered her own children. The fertility clinics have amazing doctors, but it’s like sleeping in a hotel.  You have a great time on vacation but there is nothing like getting back into your own bed!

This is why it is important to have a plan. In some cases, the clinics are farther away than your own obstetrician – so when you are ready to go to your own OB, an office close to home becomes more practical; especially at the end of your journey when you have to attend weekly appointments. And, if you cannot go to your previous, familiar and safe OB, find one! There are so many ways to go about this. One of the best methods to find a good doctor is referrals. Ask around or jump on to the very resourceful internet to find those local mom groups and neighborhood mom pages, and ask for a recommended doctor.

Whatever you decide to do, plan in advance. You avoid unnecessary stress when you have a plan. If you are a surrogate with Shared Conception, our full-service agency is with you every step of the way and can help you find a good OB if needed. If you are interested in becoming a surrogate, give us a call today!

 

 

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Building Self-Esteem in your Child

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It’s tough being a parent! We all strive to make our children become polite, kind, and honest individuals, but it’s not always easy. I have two young boys in elementary school and have noticed that I worry too much about what they don’t do rather than focusing on the good things they do. This doesn’t mean I don’t praise them when they do well. I am very proud of my two young men, but when it comes to this balance, I feel I have focused more on what they need to improve rather than the positive.

I have researched the topic of self-esteem endlessly this year. I have chatted with pediatricians, counselors and school teachers. Whether you have a teenager, toddler, or have just brought your baby home from the hospital, I think we can all take from this. Below are examples to build your child’s self-esteem.

 Don’t overpraise. There is such thing as a hollow praise. Overpraising can be damaging. Praise that doesn’t feel earned, doesn’t make your child feel better. For example, telling a child he or she did “so well” when they didn’t, will not ring true to them.

Praise effort. Avoid focusing on praising only when there’s positive results or just for their strong qualities (such as being athletic or smart).

 Be a positive role model. Your attitude and effort towards everyday tasks (like mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning, etc.), sets an example. Your child learns to put effort and stay positive when doing their homework, cleaning up their room, or helping around the house.

 Ban negative criticism. The way we speak to our children effects how they feel about themselves. Harsh words (“You’re so lazy!”) can be harmful to their self-esteem. It can be challenging at times, but our kids need our patience.

 Focus on strengths. Pay attention to what your child does well and their interests. Make sure your child has an opportunity to focus on these strengths. Focus more on strengths than weaknesses to help kids feel good about themselves.

 Give your child responsibilities. Self-esteem grows when kids get to see that what they do really matters. Let them help out at home, volunteer, or do a favor for a sibling. Helping and kind acts build self-esteem and gives your kids a good feeling.

If you are struggling with fertility and want to talk to someone about finding a surrogate, call us today for a no pressure consultation. We would love to hear from you!

 

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Deciding on a Second Journey

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After my first journey, I knew immediately I wanted to have a second. And when I say immediately, I mean it!

I had to have a cesarean because of my previous labors. The time spent in the operating room with the Intended Parents was incredible. They sat behind me, and when the doctor raised their baby above the curtain for them to see – I will never forget the Intended Mom’s scream of joy and disbelief. It will remain in my memory forever.

My husband was allowed to come into the OR after the intended parents left with their precious bundle of joy, and, as he entered the room I said, “I am totally going to do this again.”

My doctor laughed and said, “you are not even sewn up yet!” but I knew I wanted to. I just had to convince the rest of the family; especially my children.

My two boys were ages 5 and 6 during my first journey. They weren’t really aware of what we were getting into. The first two trimesters were a breeze. When I started to get tired, especially at the end of the day, is when they were the most affected. I could barely stay awake for dinner, as if I had an off switch that turned “off” every night at 7 o’clock. At this point, they were still pretty young, so I was a large part of their night time routine. And when Mommy had to relinquish her night time routine duties solely to Dad, they were agitated.

I didn’t know this until we talked about a second journey, and I was shocked! So, we made a plan that kept everyone happy and assured about starting another journey. My husband let our children know and feel that we were all in this together. Respecting their feelings and taking their words into serious consideration gave my children not only the confidence that I could do this again, but that they could too.

I found that surrogacy made my family stronger, more understanding and compassionate. It was a wonderful experience for all of us. All I can say is, if you are interested in becoming a surrogate, I highly recommend it.

-written by Courtney Clinton, 2X Surrogate with Shared Conception

 

 

 

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5 Reasons to Embark on a Journey

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Surrogacy isn’t an avenue people take “just because”. Contrary to popular belief, most people don’t use a surrogate mother to carry their child because they don’t want to ruin their figure, interrupt their life or just don’t want to be pregnant. It’s much more emotional than that. Here are the top 5 reasons why people need surrogacy in their lives:

1.    Some women encounter uterine issues that prevent them from carrying a baby. Fibroids and uterine scarring can make it difficult to carry a pregnancy to term. Many women with these issues have faced multiple miscarriages. 

2.    Aside from uterine issues, there are other medical conditions that might mean surrogacy is the best or safest option for the intended Mother. Sometimes these medical conditions are diagnosed after a miscarriage. Heart or kidney issues have a negative impact on the ability to carry and can require medications that are unsafe for a fetus.

3.    Certain cancers may cause a woman to have a hysterectomy which in many cases can require the need to explore other family-planning option such as surrogacy. 

4.    If a woman has been pregnant before and experienced severe problems resulting from that pregnancy, she might choose surrogacy as a safer alternative for both herself and her baby. 

5.    A single individual or couple may choose surrogacy because of lifestyle or logistical limitations (LGBTQ couples, for example may require a surrogate in order to conceive). 

Regardless of the reason why someone needs a surrogate, what is most important is that they have choices in regards to how they will build their family.

If you are interested in surrogacy, give Shared Conception a call today. We would love to hear from you! 

 

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Gifts for your Surrogate – Do you have to buy them?

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Your surrogate is giving you and your family more than you can ask for. Our intended parents often ask us about gifts for their surrogate. Although gifts are not required, some feel the need to express their gratitude with small tokens of appreciation along the way. The hardest part is figuring out what to get her. When our parents are matched, Shared Conception shares the surrogate’s favorites list. This is a tool to help you get to know your surrogate and help aid in the gift giving search.

Here are some of the most frequent times during a journey, that are excellent opportunities to give a gift: the first time you meet face to face, at the 20-week ultrasound or anatomy scan, and at the birth of the baby. All are great moments to show your gratitude.

If you decide to give a gift to your surrogate at any point in the journey, here are some ideas from other Shared Conception parents we would like to share with you.

  •      Candles or bath sets in her favorite scent
  •      Gift certificate for a manicure or pedicure
  •      A “date night” for your surrogate and her significant other

Many intended parents buy gifts for the surrogate’s children. After all, they are a huge part of the journey as well. This could be something as simple as a board game or a stuffed animal. Many of our surrogates believe that involving their children in the journey is important – and it is nice to show your gratitude to them as well.

Post-birth gifts can be simple and very helpful for your surrogate. Having groceries delivered, meal services and gift cards to their favorite restaurants for take-out, are favorite post-birth gifts among our surrogates.

Surrogacy journeys foster a special bond unlike any that you will ever have. If you are interested in surrogacy or becoming a surrogate, give Shared Conception a call today.

 

 

 

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Packing List for Intended Parents

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When the baby arrives, it’s an exciting time, but also hectic. They baby can come earlier or later. Your hospital bag should be packed and ready to go at least two weeks before the due date to ensure you have everything you need for the hospital stay. Shared Conception has compiled a list of necessities to include in your hospital bag. We understand that there is a lot to think about when you are getting ready for baby, so to take the pressure off and follow our list of suggestions to prevent over or under packing.

 ID’s and documents

  • Driver’s License (or picture ID or passport), Insurance card, and any hospital paperwork –You might be able to pre-register the baby at the hospital. Contact the hospital’s registration desk or social worker for more info.
  • Copy of pre-birth order – The hospital should have this by now but it’s better to be safe and have a copy with you.
  • Copy of birth plan (if you have one) –We will work with you and your surrogate to establish a birth plan

Electronics 

  • Phone –Make a list of those who you wish to contact after the birth. You can even create a group text ahead of time to make it easier on you. Sometimes you can label the group text
  • Charger (and extension cord) –Often plugs are not as close as you would like, so bring a long charger, power bank, or extension cord.
  • Camera/Video Camera (batteries, charger, and memory card) –You will want to capture so many wonderful memories in these first few days!

Apparel

  • Comfortable clothes, socks, slippers, etc.- you might be at the hospital for a few days, so tale clothes to change into, sleep in, etc.
  • Light Jacket– Hospitals can be cold
  • Pillow & Blanket –The hospital will be able to provide these essentials, but having your own comforts help you relax more.
  • Eye mask and earplugs –To help you get some rest
  • Toiletries –The hospital will have the essentials like shampoo, soap, but you might prefer your own. Also, be sure to bring all your personal toiletries such as toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, hair brush, comb, face wash, lip balm
  • Medications –if you are on any daily medications
  • Button up shirt or Robe – If your birth plan is to do skin to skin after, this will help make this easier
  • Eyeglass, contact case, etc.

Miscellaneous

  • Cash –For cafeteria, vending machines, parking
  • Snacks –Take foods that help provide you with energy and provide a pick me up. Nuts, granola, fresh or dried fruits, crackers, chocolate, etc.
  • Entertainment –books, magazine, tablet, laptop. Reading or watching a show/movie will help you relax and fill in the down time.
  • Notepad/journal and pen/pencil– in case you need to jot down notes, questions or memories. Some choose to bring the baby book to start recording details right away

For Baby

  • Blanket, sleepers, hat, mittens, onesies for baby –the hospital will typically provide a swaddle blanket, onesie, hat, diapers, etc. However, you can also take your own if you’d like. Sleepers/gowns that open at the bottom or zip up are a good idea. During colder weather it is best to have a heavy blanket for the car seat
  • Going home outfit for baby –Consider the weather conditions. A Onesie or a simple two-piece outfit might be fine for warmer weather. In colder weather, you might need something warmer such as blankets, hats, etc.
  • Car seat –Have a rear facing car seat already installed ahead of time. Some local fire departments will inspect to ensure it is installed correctly. Learn how to work the car seat and buckle the baby in.

DO NOT TAKE:

Jewelry, valuables, lots of cash, diapers, wipes, bottles or formula.

Shared Conception wants our Intended parents to walk into the hospital without worry. After all, you are embarking on another wonderful and loving journey to bring your baby home. If you are interested in surrogacy to expand or create your family, give us a call today, we would love to speak with you!

 

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The Day Before IVF

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This is not an article about all the medications you take before IVF as a surrogate, or the doctor visits before IVF. This is about you and how you feel the day before the IVF procedure. On a personal note, I remember my first day before IVF, as I have had 2 wonderful journeys. I thought to myself, “Am I really doing this?”

Going through the entire process of becoming a surrogate is wonderful. You help create a family and give your intended parents the most wonderful gift anyone can receive. But, that doesn’t mean you will never be nervous about it. I wasn’t worried about becoming attached to the baby or having trouble leaving the hospital without one. I was just nervous about IVF. I thought to myself, what if it doesn’t work? What if something goes wrong? And my biggest fear was miscarrying. Because of my wonderful relationship with my IPs, I knew all about the heartache they endured when told they could not have children. I felt a huge weight on my shoulders.

But the truth is, you are doing the best you can for them. You do not have control over the embryo or even the outcome of the IVF process. And of course, we all want the best result; a pregnancy, a healthy journey, a healthy baby – and lots of happy tears. It’s all we can hope for because a pregnancy is never guaranteed. My advice to my surro sisters is to go in with a positive attitude, and try to keep one along the way. It’s called a “journey” because there are any bumps in the road but the end result makes it all worthwhile!

Written by Courtney Clinton – 2X Proud Gestational Surrogate

 

 

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Tips on finding a housekeeper

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One of the perks of surrogacy is around 32 weeks, unless differently outlined in your contract, you are blessed with a housekeeping angel! This takes so much stress off of your plate! By this time in your journey, daily tasks are becoming more and more difficult. The housekeeping allowance is designed to take some of the pressure off.

If you have a housekeeper, great! Just make sure you get a receipt from them so you can be reimbursed. If you are searching for a housekeeper now, don’t stress! Here are some tips on how to find the perfect one.

  1. Search online. There are many online services that can connect you with a local. Some options include:

Merry Maids

Angi

Housekeeprs.com

Care.com

  1. Ask our friends, relatives and neighbors. In addition to online searches, ask around. Your best reference is one who has had their homes cleaned by a housekeeper and can tell you their honest opinions about the quality of a housekeeper’s work.
  2. Interview a few potential housekeepers. Once you have found a few potential candidates that you like, take the time to do an interview. In-person interviews are best, but even a phone call can give you a feel for whether you will be able to communicate well with your housekeeper. Clear communication between yourself and your housekeeper will ensure your cleaning needs are met and you remain a happy pregnant!

If you are interested in surrogacy, give us a call today for a no pressure, informative chat!

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Pregnancy Pillows

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When you are far enough along in your pregnancy, you may discover some aches and pains. It comes with the territory. There are so many support and full body pregnancy pillows on the market. When you are shopping for one, where do you begin? Good news is that you have options and Amazon!

PharMeDoc Pregnancy Pillow – C-shaped style offers unparalleled support to relieve achy joints helping you to get a good night’s sleep. If you prefer a flat pillow at night, this pillow has been known to have a fluffiness that you may not need. You may want to refer to the Lavish Home pillow listed below.

Lavish home– At a very reasonable price, this full body support pillow offers comfort and support and has a 100% cotton cover that can be removed and washed. It is also not as stuffed as similar competitors if you prefer a flatter pillow.

Boppy– you may have one of these from your bio babes way back in the closet somewhere. Since this is a smaller pillow, it takes up less space so your partner doesn’t feel that there is another person in your bed at night. Because of its small size, you can use this to target your most needed areas for support.

Leachco– This is not a full body support pillow but is smaller and supports the belly and legs. Many prefer this pillow, because you can use your own head pillow with the Leacho.

Queen Rose– This is considered the crème de la crème of pregnancy pillows. It is large and takes up a lot of space but the support for the whole body is unparalleled. This pillow is also great for post-partum sleep while your body is re-adjusting to post pregnancy life.

Shared Conception wants nothing but the most comfortable and smooth journey for our surrogates. Give us a call today if you are interested in becoming a surrogate. We would love to hear from you!

 

 

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The Taboo Subject: Compensation

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Money is rarely the driving reason behind becoming a surrogate. All of our surrogates love the idea of helping a family, enjoy being pregnant and feel that this journey is more of a calling. But that doesn’t mean compensation is not deserved for the intense labor (no pun intended) that is involved. Surrogacy is a full-time, 24/7 job. Between the matching process, medical appointments, pre-transfer preparation and transfer, this process can take 12-18 months! So yes, you do deserve compensation for the service that you provide.

With that said, how is compensation disbursed? Our clients at Shared Conception, use a surrogacy escrow agency. This agency, along with your contract, is your direct line to all your financial questions. And, most importantly, it prevents any awkward conversations about finances between you and your Intended Parents.

With the help of a surrogacy escrow agency, here are the top 3 most common versions of compensation schedules. It varies by attorney, so these are just examples:

  1. Compensation begins on the 1stor 15thof the month following a heartbeat confirmation, and on the same date each month after, usually 8 or 9 installments.

 

  1. Compensation starts with confirmation of a heartbeat and the same day of the month thereafter. Dividing the agreed upon compensation “salary” into 8-10 installments. This version will end with a large payment at the end if it’s 10 installments.

 

  1. Compensation starts with heartbeat confirmation, and every 4 weeks thereafter. This one is usually divided into 10 installments.

Prorated compensation usually doesn’t come into play unless there is a premature delivery, and this varies greatly by contract. For example, if they deliver prior to the week listed (say 32 for a singleton), contracts usually pay a prorated daily amount thru delivery. If compensation is received the 1st, delivered the 12th, then a daily rate is disbursed for those 11 days.

If you are interested in becoming a surrogate, give us a call for a no pressure, informative chat! We would love to hear from you!