A surrogate mother has just delivered her surrogate baby, what is she going to do next? Is she  going to Disneyland? Is she touring Napa Valley?  Chances are this woman will simply jump back into the routine of her life with her own spouse and her own kids while possibly experiencing post- partum mood swings. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, loves reading all the emails and letters about successful surrogate birth stories, however, some of these writings  share a common yet realistic  theme: it is not all happy all the time–these women  are uplifting and inspirational  most of the time, but some of these surrogates can get depressed immediately after giving  birth.

These emotions may even  be compared with being involved in a play, where a person rehearses for weeks and even months.  The person immerses herself  in her chosen role and as the time for opening night comes closer and closer, the person’s life tends to become more and more focused on this great event. Then, after this wonderful shining moment passes and everything goes off perfectly….then what?  And? It’s over.  Just like that, the preparation, execution and high points are achieved and after a high, there has to be a low, or a let-down.  It’s nearly the same with any surrogacy arrangement: a surrogate  dedicates approximately  a year to helping the intended mother experience something she can never personally fully experience. However after that moment,  what happens?

The surrogate mothers, who candidly describe their emotions, usually talk about feeling completely elated one moment and devastated shortly afterwards, because their participant in this amazing experience  is finished. And in most cases it is not the baby they miss – it is either
-the surrogacy itself, or .
-the intended parents, or
-the “specialness” of being pregnant, or
-the hormones of being on a high.

These emotions and reactions are usually considered to be completely normal, its just not openly discussed. Any potential surrogate should be aware that she isn’t the the only surrogate mother who has ever cried when the baby left the hospital with his or her new parents, or when she says goodbye to her intended parents.

For the intended parents, who have been trying  to have a child of their own for years, and who finally had to turn to surrogacy, or even just the intended parents, who came to surrogacy from the very beginning of their journey as a way to conceive – the end of the surrogacy is not considered to be an end at all. It is merely the beginning of their dreams.  As you enjoy and adjust to your new baby, remember your surrogate with a grateful heart and a gentle smile. If you can, stay in touch with your surrogate, she will ENJOY seeing sporadic or consistent pictures or maybe visiting –however you are comfortable with sharing your baby. Shared Conception is compassionately here to help both the intended parents and the surrogate work through their emotions. 

            

 

The surrogacy agency selection process can indeed be difficult. So how do you choose? Shouldn’t price influence your decision? These are probably some of the questions you might be asking.

Choosing the best agency is the first step towards finding the potential women who will carry your child and ultimately give you the family you are longing for.

How do I Find the Right Agency for Me?
Some agencies will simply provide the match and guide you to other important professionals who will be crucial in your journey while others, such as Shared Conception, will remain involved during every aspect of the process. Be sure to research the differences. No matter what your specific needs are, find out which agency professional will be responsible for you and for your surrogate mother. You should feel comfortable and confident knowing the person managing your surrogacy is accessible and can competently answer all your questions. Your agency should also be willing to provide you with a free consultation, even if by phone, and be willing to discuss the details of their program and surrogacy process. Above all, you should feel comfortable and confident in your relationship with your surrogacy agency.

Do you work with all types of people?
Yes, Shared Conception works with both couples and individuals from all walks of life regardless of age, marital status, sexual orientation or ethnic background.

Does Shared Conception work with International Clients?
Yes we do! We have worked with parents from around the world and consider this a special niche for us. We can definitely help you navigate through the complexities of an International Surrogacy arrangement both here in Texas and what to anticipate when you go home. We will accommodate the special needs and requests for any parents coming from abroad.

The basic role of an agency, once the match is accomplished, is to guide you through each step rather than let you navigate the process on your own. Sometimes this guidance is directed towards challenges that may arise during the pregnancy,and without agency support, may become too difficult for one person to take on alone.

Although we realize this is a business, it’s unlike any other. You will no doubt endure physical and emotional stressors that are not necessarily understood by your family and friends. We feel it’s so important to have someone you can lean on, lend an ear to during stressful times and above all, have full trust to get you through these memorable times. Shared Conception is that surrogacy agency that can and will be here for you. We will await your call. 

                        

In the world of surrogacy, knowledge is indeed power.

This week, let’s talk about the importance of transparent, honest and mature conversations when addressing the rapport and relationship between the surrogate, the intended parents and the surrogacy agency. It is important that all parties involved understand and are comfortable with the idea, nuances and processes involving surrogacy and the wonderful end results of a  surrogate birth–a newborn child (or multiple babies!) and an entire family unit being created or enhanced.

Surrogacy is a wonderful way for those who cannot carry a child to have a child of their own. The parents and the surrogate are all adults. They each understand their roles and go into their relationship with their eyes wide open.

What most new intended parents and surrogates don’t know is “how much  they don’t know.” The key to a successful surrogacy is education and research. Most  surrogacy arrangements, conducted through competent yet compassionate agencies, result in happy endings. With expert guidance and knowledge, an agency can make a surrogacy arrangement work between “strangers” who are like-minded in their goals.

Intended parents: Do your research, ask the right questions, get referrals, hire a consultant if you feel overwhelmed, and listen to your instincts.

Surrogates: Make sure you know everything that is expected of you,  have any money that is stated in the contract for your care put into a trusted escrow account, and insist that all parties involved are psychologically evaluated.

Making families is an honor and a privilege for many of us who have been touched by surrogacy. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, is available  to help you, the intended parents and you, the surrogate, mold  a viable and successful relationship all aimed at the direct goal of building amazing families.  We are ready!

 

 

 

Families are the foundation of our society and culture. Many of our endeavors and motivations are fueled by our need to support, enjoy and provide for our families. Competent surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, diligently work hard to ensure that both the surrogate mothers and the intended parents are mutually satisfied and happy. Here are five reasons you should be grateful for your surrogate.

1)   Surrogacy allows same sex couples to fulfill their personal dreams of creating their own  family.  In most of the cases, if not for the kindness and generosity of surrogate mothers, coupled with efficient surrogacy agencies, these amazing families would not exist.

2)   Even though you, yourself,  are unable to go through the pregnancy process, your surrogate allows you to have your own children. Through the gift of surrogacy, your baby can have a genetic link to one or both parents.

3)  Your surrogate helps to overcome the constraints of age thus  allowing you to have healthy children later in life. Pretty amazing!

                                                        

 4)  Regardless of any  health or infertility issues, the woman you all chose as your surrogate, allows you to have babies.  You can’t help but appreciate your surrogate!

5)  Through your surrogate, you get to somewhat experience the joy of childbirth and  then you get to  leave the hospital with your baby. Surrogacy, the gift that keeps on giving!

Shared Conception fully and enthusiastically  supports our intended parents and are super grateful for our surrogate mothers. We look forward to creating more families and memories!

A woman reports that while visiting some friends who had recently given birth to their new daughter in a Manhattan hospital, she couldn’t resist perusing the institutional paperwork addressed to “Dear Mother, Parent, Person Carrying the Child.” Such a salutation represents a new trend where both the meaning and definition of motherhood is being shaped by the rise of reproductive technologies such as surrogacy.

While there is no mandated tracking of how many children are born through surrogacy each year, the Society for Reproductive Medicine estimates that 1,989 children were born through gestational surrogacy in 2012. Most news stories that cover the practice often focus on the gift of life provided by the surrogate to a couple, with the narrative always being one of praise for the surrogate’s altruism and the joy brought to the intended parents….as they should. Surrogacy is definitely a gift of life, surrogate mothers are selfless women who are able to enhance intended parents’ lives and surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, are committed to matching compassionate and competent surrogate mothers with serious intended parents.

The idea of surrogacy is no longer a “novel” idea but an idea that is making footsteps and impact into mainstream society. People, who initially disliked the idea of surrogacy, now embrace it or at least are more tolerant of the notion. There are more candidates vying for surrogate mother roles and even more intended parents trying to build and enhance their families. As we move into 2015, our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, anticipates guiding and working with surrogates and intended parents to build legacies, one family at a time. Onwards and upwards!

                    

 

As we move into the thick of the holiday season, our staff at Shared Conception wishes you and yours all things good and delightful! In the spirit of the holidays, we are sharing this story of  intended parents who strive to thank their surrogate mother.

Written by Carolyn Savage

“How do I thank the woman who gave life to our daughters?

I’ve given this question a lot of thought since last December, when we learned that Jennifer, our gestational carrier, was pregnant.  It has stumped me because merely thanking her seemed inadequate.  I feel so much more than gratitude for what she’s done for our family—and for me.

When I became pregnant with Logan Morell, the genetic child of another couple, after a mistake at my fertility clinic, my life took a challenging turn. My husband and I decided to protect the unborn child I was carrying and immediately reunite him with his genetic parents upon delivery.  Those decisions were easy. What proved to be difficult, however, was living with the consequences of our decisions.  Since there was no one to call for advice, we found ourselves stumbling through when we really could have used some good “been there, done that” wisdom.  Although we are very proud of what we did for Logan, and would do it all over again if faced with the same set of circumstances, there was an emotional toll that I don’t think I fully understood — until Jennifer delivered our girls to us.

When Jennifer’s pregnancy first began, we didn’t get our hopes up that it would result in a live birth.  The old adage, “don’t count your chickens before they hatch,” takes on a literal meaning for those who have experienced pregnancy loss.  When the weeks passed and the proverbial “other shoe” didn’t drop, it was as if a weight that I didn’t even know I was carrying was lifted.  I realize now that the burden I was carrying was grief.  The loss of the child I brought into this world, but didn’t get to raise, turned out to be a complicated circumstance to live with. (Thankfully, we do have occasional contact with Logan now.) The promise of our twins helped me focus on the blessings I already had. The grace in what Jennifer was doing for us helped me understand what we had done for Logan and his family. How do I thank her for that?

I can’t, not fully. So, instead of just thanking Jennifer, we will honor her. We will honor her by making sure that Reagan and Isabella learn from Jennifer’s kind heart and compassionate soul. Our daughters will always know that Jennifer ushered them into this world. That she nurtured and loved them first. As Reagan and Isabella grow, we hope that they can spend time with and learn from Jennifer.  After all, the more loving adults in a child’s life, the better, and Jennifer’s love for our girls is obvious. Most importantly, Sean and I will honor Jennifer by striving to be the best parents we can be.

Honoring Jennifer seems much more fitting than just thanking her.  After all, not only did she deliver our children to us, but she also helped me find my way back to my spirit, and that deserves much more than gratitude.”

                       

                                                   Carolyn Savage, their surrogate and  Sean Savage

From our Shared Conception family to yours, happy, happy new year!

It’s almost 2015, but we, at Shared Conception, realize that surrogacy can somewhat still be a “mysterious” topic or carries a stigma. People sometimes don’t know how to react when their friend or loved one says they used or are currently using a surrogacy.  As a result, Jimmy Fallon’s recent announcement that both his daughters were born via surrogacy, has revived the conversation about infertility, intended parents and surrogates.  Here’s Sarah Elizabeth Richard’s, time.com, perspective.

                                         

 “It’s no wonder then that talk-show host Jimmy Fallon waited two weeks after the birth of his daughter Winnie Rose to reveal that she was carried by a surrogate. “My wife and I had been trying for a while to have a baby,” Fallon told Today’s Savannah Guthrie on Friday morning. “We tried a bunch of things. So we had a surrogate.”

Fallon’s openness came as a surprise, considering that most celebrities have been notoriously mum on the subject. Who can blame them? Remember all the rampant speculating about whether Kate Middleton had infertility problems? And — gasp! — was Baby George conceived via IVF?

To date, Hollywood stars having baby-making troubles haven’t received much public sympathy, amid criticism of being able to “buy” their way out of fertility problems with expensive medical help that many Americans can’t afford.

But the narrative turns extra nasty when other people’s reproductive parts, such as rented wombs or donor eggs, are involved. When actresses Sarah Jessica Parker and Nicole Kidman revealed they had used surrogates, they were accused of hiring these other women in order to spare their own bodies from the ravages of pregnancy — as if these women chose this route for cosmetic reasons, when both had publicly shared their battles with infertility.”

Surrogacy allows intended parents to have the kids they have always dreamed of and the family they had hoped to create and raise. Surrogacy mothers are the women who successfully carry these babies while managing their own personal  lives and families. Surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, match and facilitate gestational surrogacy arrangements with surrogate mothers and intended parents. There is a beauty in creating families that our surrogacy agency anticipates and enjoys. We encourage these positive surrogacy conversations and celebrity  transparency as we move forward into the next year. Happy holidays!

Wait, what?! Jimmy Fallon is now a dad of two!

The Tonight Show host and wife Nancy Juvonen have shocked the world with the surprising news that another cutie has been added to the family. The pair welcomed their second child on Wednesday, Dec. 3, NBC confirms to E! News. And the proud parents have already revealed the name of their new baby girl.

“Frances Cole Fallon officially entered the world at 8:45 a.m. on December 3, weighing 5 lbs., 11 ounces and is 18.5 inches long,” the couple’s rep told us in a statement, and noted that the couple chose to keep the pregnancy a secret until their child was born.

“Their new addition joins big sister, Winnie Rose, 1. The couple opted to keep their baby joy to themselves until their new daughter, Frances Cole, made her official debut. Both Fallon babies were born via surrogate.

                                                         The Fallon’s daughter, Winnie Rose.

                         

 NBC also tells E! News, “Due to unexpected but delightful circumstances, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon has had to cancel tapings for today and tomorrow.”

Fallon and his wife welcomed their first child Winnie Rose in July 2013, and although the 40-year-old admitted that adjusting to parenthood was a little rough, he couldn’t help but gush about his precious little lady.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired. But basically it’s a weird type of tired, where it’s like you’re so tired but you don’t feel exhausted, you feel like, ‘I just have to do this, so I’m gonna keep moving through this pace.’ It’s fun, it’s fun tired because you’re just excited to what she does next. It’s exciting,” he said at the time.

“Last night we were giving her a sponge bath and she loves it when you put the water on her head, her little head, she has a tiny little round head…She’s a great baby. Doesn’t cry.”

Let’s hope that trend continues!

People was first to report the news.
—Reporting by Marc Malkin from eonline.com

As our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, prepares for the holiday season, we are thankful and grateful for our family, friends, colleagues, intended parents and surrogate mothers. We are thankful for all of you! We won’t keep you long on this Black Friday but we did want to leave you with these thoughts from a pregnant blogger, Taza.

“I’m a true believer that life is all about perspective.  I can focus on my blessings, or I can focus on the ones I don’t  have. There have been times in my life when I’ve  only focused on what I hadn’t yet reached, or didn’t have, always feeling like I’d be happy or grateful once I reached a certain point or a certain something happened, etc etc. but as I’ve gone through some bigger personal trials and obstacles in my life, I’ve realized the energy it takes to just be down about them all day long is too overwhelming and exhausting for me to take.  Sometimes it’s easier to let things go and trust in God and make a choice every day to be happy. I don’t have this sort of mentality down 100%, but when I work towards it, I’m aware of how much easier it is to get through my day to day, and I think I’m  a little bit more pleasant to be around, too. 😉

I’m  thankful for my life, my beautiful growing family, and the chance to live in my favorite city. I’m  thankful to be pregnant, for good food, for music and the holidays, for donuts even if I eat too many of them…I’m thankful for smaller sillier things like dry shampoo and maternity jeans and christmas lights and good smelling candles. I’m thankful for the working subway elevators, the express trains, the few but so good and so loyal friends of mine who are always there and always have my back.  I’m  thankful to be a daughter of God, to be a woman, to be a mother. I’m  thankful for this season, and thanksgiving in particular, because it’s always a nice time to take into account what a beautiful world this one really is, even with all its ups and downs, and how much we have to be thankful for.”

Before the hustle and bustle of this holiday season gets into full swing, Shared Conception encourages us to take a deep breath, look around your life and be thankful. 

                                   

Note: As of the writing of this Shared Conception blog, Joan Lunden, a radio and television personality, is battling  breast cancer. She has two sets of twins through the gift of surrogacy and loved both of her experiences (the same surrogate was used for both pregnancies). To follow are excerpts of an article written in 2004 detailing some of her surrogate experiences. Lunden currently lives in Connecticut with her second husband and their four children. She has three daughters, Jamie, Lindsay, and Sarah, from her first marriage.

For many fans, who cheered Joan Lunden on through three pregnancies during her 17 years cohosting GMA and sighed contentedly when, eight years after a bitter divorce, she wed Konigsberg, the big surprise is that Lunden has chosen at 52 to build on her brood of three grown daughters. “Even before I met Jeff, I really wanted to find somebody who wanted to have a family,” says Lunden. For men and women battling fertility problems, the bigger headline is that Lunden and Konigsberg, 42, are enjoying such a happy, stress-free experience with surrogacy, a word that often conjures up images of heart-wrenching custody battles. “You usually only hear about surrogacy when there’s a horror story,” says Lunden. “Word needs to get out that it is a viable option if done safely and correctly with a good agency so everyone is protected.” As for Lunden, the prospect of twins seems a great adventure. “I’m not the typical fiftysomething. I don’t even have a second thought about it,” she says. “I’m choosing a lifestyle where I will have a couple of little ankle biters chasing me around for the next 10 years. I want it!

If all goes according to plan, on or around June 9, Bolig, 42, also a mother of three girls, will give birth in Cincinnati to twins with whom she has no genetic connection. Konigsberg provided the sperm; a different woman (perhaps Lunden — she declines to say) provided the eggs. Embryos that resulted from in vitro fertilization (IVF) were then implanted in Bolig, the “gestational surrogate.” Lunden and Konigsberg, who at this point are called the intended parents, will be on hand for the delivery, at which point they will become the actual parents, with only their names listed on the birth certificates. Why are they so confident about a happy ending? “This,” says Lunden, “is a journey that started quite a while ago.”

In November ’96, to be precise. By then Lunden, recovered from the 1992 collapse of her 13-year marriage to TV producer Michael Krauss and still months from her bruising ouster by GMA execs, was ready again for love. Seated in a suburban deli, she spotted Konigsberg. “He had this great smile,” Lunden recalls, “and I said, ‘Why can’t I meet a nice man like that?’ ” A moment later Konigsberg, who owns and directs children’s summer camps in Maine, walked up to her table. “There was an unbelievable instant connection between us,” says Lunden. The relationship progressed quickly. A few months later, she says, “I did a fertility test, just to make sure. You want to know what your options are.” The tests indicated that pregnancy was still a possibility.

After they married in April 2000, they turned immediately to IVF to try to get Lunden pregnant. “I think we went through five attempts,” says Lunden. “They were disappointments, obviously, and big ones. I love being pregnant, and I wanted to do it so Jeff could have that experience.” About a year ago, Konigsberg told her, “I really think time is of the essence.” Hoping to maintain a biological connection, they decided to investigate surrogacy first. “Adoption wasn’t the next step for us, which is funny because my brother Jeff is adopted,” says Lunden. After doing research on the Internet and speaking with friends who had enjoyed positive surrogate experiences, they made an appointment at the Center for Surrogate Parenting (CSP) in Encino, north of Los Angeles. The choice of venue was deliberate: unlike most states, California favors the intended parents should a custody dispute arise.

 

 

 

During six hours of interviews with the center’s staff, the couple voiced their concerns. “How can you be assured that (the surrogate) is clean-living and not smoking or drinking?” Konigsberg asked. Lunden wondered, “Do you have to worry about the person keeping the baby?” Their concerns eased when they learned that each month CSP screens hundreds of applicants, from which only six are selected. “The surrogates have had their own biological children, and they are financially solvent,” says Konigsberg. “The center makes sure everyone is on the same page.” After discussing how much contact the pair wanted with the surrogate before, during and after the birth, the staff decided Bolig was the best candidate for them.

Then Lunden and Konigsberg needed to convince Bolig that they were the right couple for her. “We sat down and wrote Deborah a letter,” says Lunden. “I was nervous.” She needn’t have been. “In the letter the overall feeling was that they loved children,” says Bolig. Last August Lunden and Konigsberg traveled to Cincinnati. “Talk about the ultimate blind date!” says Lunden. Both women remember feeling an immediate bond. “Once I got over ‘Oh my God, it really is Joan Lunden,’ I forgot they were a high-profile couple,” says Bolig. “I thought they were a really loving, wonderful couple.” Pete says he found them “extremely down-to-earth and easy to talk to.”

Over the course of that lunch, Lunden and Konigsberg realized that Deborah, a proofreader for a bookbinding company, was in this for more than the roughly $22,000 she will earn as a CSP surrogate. (For Lunden and Konigsberg, the tab will be closer to $65,000 when medical and legal costs are factored in.) She told them that at 25, she first read about surrogacy and “knew that I wanted to do it.” So much, in fact, that prior to marrying Pete in 1988, she expressed her interest. Last February Deborah delivered twin boys for a British couple. “At the birth, I felt such pride,” she recalls. “I just created a family for them!” Lunden says she and Konigsberg “liked that Deborah had gone through it before, understood it, knew what she was getting into.” Lunden left the lunch convinced that “Deborah would take care of these children like they were her own.”

Pete’s support was also critical. “You need to have the right kind of spouse who’s going to really embrace this,” says Konigsberg. “He has the responsibility of taking care of their three daughters and making sure his wife is comfortable.” Their early impressions of Pete, 49, a corporate health and safety project manager, have been borne out. “He’s very protective of Deborah, Joan and me,” says Konigsberg. Pete says, “I get the benefit, by marriage, of being around.”

On Oct. 10 at a hospital near L.A., Lunden held Deborah’s hand as the embryos were transferred to Deborah’s uterus. “Jeff left the room when we actually did the stirrup thing,” Lunden says, laughing. Relations grew intimate so quickly that both were in the room for the first ultrasound on Nov. 7. “Deborah was lying down,” Konigsberg recalls. “The doctor said, ‘Would you like to hear the second heartbeat?’ And I said, ‘We’re having twins?’ I looked at Joan. … I gave Deborah a kiss. … Then, I kissed Joan.” Says Lunden, with a laugh: “He didn’t know who to kiss first!”

Since then the couples have been in constant contact. The women speak daily; the husbands exchange e-mails. “Joan,” says Bolig, “is easy to talk to because she remembers what it’s like to be pregnant.” Lunden knows all about her surrogate’s first 12 weeks of morning sickness and her ongoing heartburn, as well as the twins’ every kick and hiccup. “She really gives me a sense of the pregnancy,” says Lunden, “so I can enjoy the experience.”

Lunden’s daughters — Jamie, 22, Lindsay, 19, and Sarah, 15 — are also getting a vicarious thrill. “Lindsay says, ‘I want to go pick everything out with you,’ ” says her mom. As for Sarah, the only one who still lives at home, “She’s really psyched she’s not going to be the youngest anymore.” All three daughters, says Lunden, will make great babysitters. “This experience has made our family that much closer,” says Konigsberg. “At a time when these girls are gaining independence, this has been an experience where they have been able to come back to the nest.” While the Boligs’ girls (Alexandra, 14, Victoria, 12, and Kate, 11) understand that the babies are not their siblings, they too are delighting in the pregnancy. “They’ve said they are proud of me,” says Bolig. “They tell their friends, ‘My mom’s a surrogate.’ “

Back home in suburban Connecticut, Lunden and Konigsberg have already picked out cribs and changing tables, though not names. For the last month they’ve been practicing late-night feeding shifts in their six-bedroom modern house. “I’ll say, ‘Honey, you get a good night’s sleep — tonight I’ll take care of the twins,'” says Konigsberg, smiling. “So when they actually arrive, it will be Joan’s turn.” As they look ahead to the delivery, they talk about the day they’ll tell the twins about their origins. “I’m going to say, ‘Kids, your mommy needs to tell you something,’ ” Konigsberg jokes. “Not only will we tell them,” says Lunden, “but hopefully they’ll meet the Boligs at some point. Our hope would be that Deborah and Pete remain part of our lives and connected to us forever.”