A surrogate once remarked, “I did it! I finally decided I was worth being taken care of and allowed myself what I had previously considered a luxury: a prenatal massage. You’d think after three pregnancies, I would have done it ages ago; however, I am a very stubborn and “tough” girl who doesn’t believe in “wasting” money on things purely for me. Boy was I wrong. It was wonderful and it will not be the last time I go. This looks like it’ll become a regular thing for me now that I know better. I felt so much more relaxed afterwards. And I slept! I actually slept through the whole night! This never, ever happens to me, especially during a pregnancy.”

What is a prenatal massage and how is it different from a regular massage? A prenatal massage is a specialized technique that is designed for a woman usually in her second trimester up to part way through her third trimester. It’s meant to improve circulation, give you some energy, and take some of the strain away from your over-worked muscles and joints. It uses a lighter pressure and you lay on your sides as opposed to your back and tummy. Lying on your back is never a good idea when you’re pregnant. The weight of the baby and uterus blocks circulation to the placenta. This can cause complications that no amount of massage can help. It is a little more difficult for the masseuse to rub you down at this angle, but far safer.

Prenatal massages also have the same great benefits as any regular massage does. Loads of studies have shown that they relax and loosen tight muscles, reduce cortisol (that nasty stress hormone), increase blood flow, keeps the lymphatic system going strong and flushes toxins out of the body. Just be sure to drink plenty of water afterwards as massages releases toxins that have built up in your muscles to float freely through your body, which can make you sick if you are not properly hydrated afterward.

What all this means is, that with regular prenatal massages you should become generally more relaxed. They help relieve insomnia, get rid of joint pain, and relieve swelling, headaches and even sinus congestion. Also, let’s not forget to mention all those neck, back, hip, leg and sciatica pains you will no longer experience as much.

Here are just a few warnings to keep you safe and happy. First, make sure a prental massage is not prohibited by your surrogacy contract.  Secondly, the first trimester is a little too risky for a massage.  With everything changing, it’s just not a good time (especially for surrogates or anyone getting assistance with conception). Also, research your masseuse first, don’t just go anywhere. People who specialize in this type of massage need to be specifically trained in prenatal massages. The right hands work miracles, the wrong ones could put you in the hospital. New studies are showing that the amount of trust you have in someone is equal to the amount of relaxation you will allow yourself to feel. If you don’t 100% trust that person, you won’t be able to reap all the physiological benefits. Lastly, stay away from those ankles! They don’t know exactly why yet, but when you rub those bad boys, it can start labor. Unless you are past your due date, keep away. Just skip down to those well deserving (probably slightly larger) feet of yours.

Now I’ll  excuse you as you go book that prenatal massage appointment…!

Excerpts Diana Van De Voort

                                                       

 

One of the things surrogates are asked quite frequently is  “How do you explain surrogacy to your kids? Isn’t that going to be hard on them?” People asking this are concerned that  the surrogate’s children would be confused that they didn’t take the baby home. Surrogacy agencies, such as Shared Conception, can guide a surrogate with a way to explain to young children about surrogacy.

Extreme Babysitting
One surrogate  explained that she would be taking care of her Intended Mother and Father’s baby in her tummy.  She said they were giving her  their baby to watch and help grow, and when he/she was all grown and healthy, she would be giving him/her back to them. She simply explained it as long term babysitting. She wanted to be sure that her children knew that from the beginning this child was not theirs. She was simply trusted to care for it, and then would give it back to it’s mommy the way their babysitter gave back her own son and daughter. She also made sure to tell her kiddos that she would  never give them away. Just reassuring them of this fact every once in a while is smart to do.

Another surrogate called her Surro-baby “Intended mother and Father’s baby” to her children all the time, continuing to reinforce to them that this baby was different.

One of our surrogates explained it to her kids by saying that “_____’s belly was broken so Mommy is helping by using my belly to grow the baby for them!”  They understood it because it made sense to them and was on their level.

There are also several books that are written specifically for children of surrogates. One our surrogacy agency recommends is “The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children” by  Sarah Phillips Pellet (Author), Laurie A. Faust (Illustrator). Very age appropriate and well thought out!

                                                         

Preparing Children for After the Birth

It is also important to explain how everything will work after the baby is born. Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, familiar. This is why establishing routines with children are often recommended by pediatricians and practices in early childhood education. To lessen the shock of a new experience, and for most children a pregnant mother and giving birth is a new experience, it’s important to talk about the birth and to talk about it frequently.

A good example is “Mommy is going to go to the hospital so IM & IF’s baby can come out and be with her parents, then mommy gets to come home and be with you guys again! We can snuggle and continue to be just us.”

Keep the explanation short, and use words they can relate to. When one surrogate gave birth to her surrogate baby,  her IP’s had all of them come visit in their room so that the surrogate’s children could see that the baby was safe with her parents. This is extremely important if that  relationship exists  with the IPs. It simply brought it to a beautiful conclusion for them. Children need reassurance that they are loved, and what to expect in situations that are big like this.

Surrogacy is life changing, and a journey that the whole family participates in. Making it a relatable subject to little kids makes the adjustments and changes easier to accept. Call us here at Shared Conception and let’s talk.

Deciding to participate in Surrogacy is a huge step whether you’re an Intended Parent (IP) or the Surrogate Mother, herself. It is a huge decision that probably came with months, if not years of weighing options and doing research. For some Intended Parents, finding a surrogate can land close to home when a family member or friend approaches to carry their child, but what about situations where you need to find someone to carry your child and you DON’T know them? For women who want to be surrogates, what if you don’t know someone who could use your help? You are both placed in this vast world of “now what?” Here are five reasons why choosing surrogacy agency is a route that will be less stressful, and a more enjoyable journey for all.

1.Surrogates and IP’s are pre-screened and MUST meet strict requirements.
Surrogacy comes with all different avenues of trust, trusting the IP’s that you have been matched with to be as involved as they said they would be and the IP’s trusting the Surrogate Mother to take good care of herself and your child she is carrying. It’s a scary arena to step into that puts both parties in a vulnerable state to one another. Shared Conception pre-screens all Surrogate Mothers and IP’s before moving into contracts, so each party can rest assured that the other will have passed a psychological evaluation, criminal background check, and any state mandated medical screenings. By doing this, we significantly reduce the risk of there ever being any unfortunate incidents, and help both parties to feel more comfortable in this process and focus on the joy of the journey instead of adding worry to the equation.

2.Assistance with legal contracts
Most people do not have a law degree, and reading and going over a contract for a surrogacy arrangement by yourself can be extremely confusing. Some agencies will direct you to a trusted lawyer to assist you with your contracts.

3.Expert help with sensitive matters
Surrogacy agencies are always here to handle delicate matters such as anything finance related. You can rely on us.

4.Matches based on mutual expectations
As a part of the initial application process and profile creation for both the Surrogates and IP’s, a surrogacy agency ensures that your expectations in terms of communication, relationship, and delivery are reflected in writing. A qualified team will then take these expectations and the knowledge they have of both the IP’s and Surrogates, and match them based on their desires for a similar journey. When seeking a match outside of an agency, there is a risk that the surrogate and IP’s journey expectations may not match up, and that may not be discovered until further down the road when it may be too late to end the match.

5.Constant individual support for both IP’s and surrogates
A Surrogacy agency is the most involved with IP’s in the beginning stages of the surrogacy journey, but are continually present for IP’s throughout the pregnancy and afterwards to offer support and answer questions as they arise. Participating in a surrogacy outside of an agency means that both the Surrogate and the IP’s miss out on this kind of support. It’s just not something found outside of an agency. Shared Conception is a stellar agency that stands out from the rest. Call us!

                                               

 

 

Nobody likes it; nobody wants to read it, but you HAVE TO READ YOUR SURROGACY CONTRACT. Seriously, our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, cannot stress this enough. Everything you ever wanted, needed, and never even thought of knowing is in there. It’s the Rosetta Stone of surrogacy and we are talking to everyone- surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents alike. If you think of absolutely any questions whatsoever, we promise you will find the answer in your contract.

“Hey, my surrogate wants to go cross country skiing, can she do that?”

The answer is in there! I’m not kidding. And by the way answer is no.

Fertility lawyers need to think of every situation and every solution.

“Can I have sex after a transfer?” Or
“Is organic food reimbursable?” Or
“Who pays the insurance copays?” Or
“Does the surrogate have a right to see our baby after she gives birth?”

It’s funny, the questions you think of after entering a legally binding situation, stuff that never would have occurred to you before this amazing journey began. But you know what? You are in no way the first to think of these questions, so ask away. Your attorney will gladly give you the page number of your personalized contract that will tell you all you need to know.

                                             

Before you’ve even put pen to paper your lawyer will have told you so much. They’ll have gone over every single page with you. You’ll have tweaked it here and there and it’ll have gone back and forth between parties. There is a lot of legislation to do with surrogacy and that’s a good thing, even if it is tedious. And you know what? You won’t remember most of it. There is no way, unless you have a photographic memory, you will know what and where you read that certain line that you now need to know. And that’s ok too. You’ll have a copy that will become your best friend. Your own treasure map, so to speak. Do you want your stress levels to go down and your anxiety to melt away? Then read your contract. It will guide you through with the comforting reassurance that can only come from the law.

Knowing your rights and staying well informed from beginning to end makes for such a smoother journey. Trust us, we know. Let’s talk more about surrogacy, give us a call.

 

                              

It has to be one of the  longest and most winding roads to travel on when a couple or an individual decides to  have a surrogate carry their child. As long as it takes to get there, the journey has just begun when they decide. A woman who chooses to become a surrogate begins the process with a giving heart.

When an Intended Parent is matched with a surrogate, a bond forms. It’s different for everyone but the basics are the same. Yearning meets ability, where wanting and giving come together to travel the same path for as long as the journey takes.

A surrogate who is healthy, fertile and willing to carry a baby in her womb for nine months means HOPE; she is a gift unlike any other. Step by step this gift increases in value until ultimately; the greatest gift of all has been achieved: Life, a child to enhance a family.

What most people don’t realize is that women who choose to become surrogates don’t do it for the money, or the recognition. They do it for the intense satisfaction and joy.The fulfillment they  receive is from seeing the look on the faces of the new parents when they hear their baby’s first heartbeat, when they see the first ultrasound and when they finally get to meet their precious child for the first time. Those moments are priceless and being a part of those moments makes surrogate mothers shine. No monetary compensation could equal the pure joy felt when sharing something so life-changing with the intended parents.

Whether you are longing to be a parent and aching for a child or you are a woman looking for something more to give in life, ask yourself this: Are you ready to change a total stranger’s life and make a difference in the world?

This journey may have roadblocks and bumps along the way, but it is an adventure, that’s for sure and if you are the kind of person who can be selfless and can open your heart up to the possibilities, it may just be the most rewarding experience of your life. Call us at Shared Conception and get more information on becoming a surrogate. Happy Mother’s Day!

There are two kinds of surrogate mothers.

Traditional surrogates

Artificial insemination first made surrogacy possible. A traditional surrogate is a woman who is artificially inseminated with the father’ssperm.She then carries the baby and delivers it for the parents to raise. A traditional surrogate is the baby’s biological mother. That’s because it was her egg that was fertilized by the father’s sperm. Donor sperm can also be used for a traditional surrogacy. Shared Conception does not conduct traditional surrogacy. We only expertly work with gestational surrogacy. 

Gestational surrogates

In Vitro fertilization (IVF) now makes it possible to harvest eggs from the mother, fertilize them with sperm from the father, and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate. The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. A gestational surrogate has no genetic ties to the child. That’s because it wasn’t her egg that was used. A gestational surrogate is called the “birth mother.” The biological mother, though, is still the woman whose egg was fertilized.Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, stands ready to expertly guide you through this journey.

In the U.S., gestational surrogacy is less complex legally. That’s because both intended parents have genetic ties to the baby. As a result, gestational surrogacy has become more common than a traditional surrogate. Thousands of babies are born each year using gestational surrogacy.

Who Uses Surrogates?A woman might decide to use a surrogate for several reasons:
·She may have medical problems with her uterus.
·She may have had ahysterectomythat removed her uterus.
·There may be conditions that makepregnancyimpossible or medically risky, such as severe heart disease.

                                              

Other women choose surrogacy after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnantwith a variety of assisted-reproduction techniques (ART), such as IVF.

Surrogates have also made parenthood an option for people who might not be able to adopt a child. Reasons could include:
·Their age
·Their marital status
·Their sexual orientation

Here at Shared Conceptions, we know what we are doing and we do it well. Connect with us and find out everything you need to know about surrogacy and further enhancing your family. We await your call!

She’s pregnant! I’m excited, but I thought I’d be able to relax more than I have by now. 

Achieving pregnancy isn’t a finish line so much as it just one hurdle (though a HUGE one) on the way. Each new milestone in the pregnancy will bring with it a modicum of relief (Shared Conception will celebrate with you!), but it is perfectly normal not to feel completely at ease until your little one is finally in your arms. Celebrate each step forward, and share your joys—and your fears—with your surrogate.

How might communication with my surrogate change during the pregnancy?

The matching and cycling phases likely involved a frenzy of almost-daily communication. Once pregnancy is achieved, communication with your surrogate might shift to become more frequent or sometimes less frequent, especially if your surrogate is having a difficult time with first-trimester exhaustion and morning sickness. If your communication needs fall out of sync with your surrogate’s, don’t hesitate to have a conversation with her to get the reassurance you need as an expectant mom.

How  can I find balance between valid concerns about my surrogate’s habits and being overly worried?

Keep in mind that there is a range of what is considered “safe” during pregnancy. Within the realm of what is considered safe by medical standards, your surrogate’s decisions during pregnancy might be different from the ones you would choose if you were pregnant. Find compromise and acceptance with habits that are within safe parameters, and don’t violate any terms of your mutually agreed-upon contract. Have faith in the trust that you’ve given to her ability to carry a safe and healthy pregnancy. If you’re still uncomfortable, definitely discuss it with your surrogate. If necessary, agree together to have her obstetrician weigh in on the issue.

What special considerations should I make for delivery?

The birth of every baby is a “special delivery,” but the deliveries of babies born via surrogacy definitely take some extra advance planning. Both you and your surrogate should make a list of your delivery desires, making sure to consider the following:

• Who will be in the delivery room, and what will their roles be?

• Will the baby be placed on the surrogate or handed to you (or your partner) first?

• In the event of a C-section, who will accompany the surrogate to the OR?

• If you don’t make it to the hospital in time for the delivery, should the baby stay with the surrogate or be sent to the nursery until you arrive?

• Will the surrogate have a wristband to have access to the baby?A few weeks before delivery, you and your surrogate should review your birth plan with the obstetrician. Our surrogacy agency,  Shared Conception, will be right there beside you all, every step of the way.

My baby is here! I’m not physically recovering from pregnancy and delivery, so why am I so tired?

Well, you’re a new mom! Your pregnancy and delivery may not have been “typical,” but your newborn phase of parenthood surely will be. As a new mom, you’re entitled to the same elation, exhaustion, joy, nervousness, and excitement that many new moms typically feel. You may even experience this whirl-wind of emotions to a more intense degree, especially given the long road you have endured to become a parent. Don’t underestimate how this flurry of emotions—even the positive ones—can affect your physical well-being. Revel in your new motherhood. Every aspect of it, even that delicious, powder- scented exhaustion, is well deserved.

As you’re taking care of your new bundle, don’t forget to take extra-special care of yourself, as well. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, is happy to competently help you to enhance your family and get to that euphoric state of exhaustion, give us a call.

So choosing a woman to be your surrogate is the central part of your surrogacy experience. A surrogacy agency, such as Shared Conception, understands the importance of the intended parents choosing just the right surrogate.  We know how to efficiently present you with a dossier of potential women. We know which surrogate profiles match up or compliment YOU. Here’s a rendition of an intended parent’s perusal of prospective surrogate mothers.

“Shortly after our meeting, our surrogacy agency started sending us profiles of potential surrogates. It felt strangely like getting a letter from a roommate who would be sharing your dorm room freshman year. They described themselves, their lives, their ambitions. Their household incomes were not, on the profiles I saw, more than $50,000. Most asked for between $20,000- $25,000 to carry a baby, more for twins, and each made different stipulations: This one would not abort if the fetus was found to have Down syndrome, another one would.

The information in the packets provided by potential surrogates offered a rich picture of the country. There were married women and single women, women in their 20s and women in their 40s; women who would be willing to bear a child for a gay couple and women who would not; women from the Bible Belt, the Rust Belt, the Pacific Northwest and the industrial Northeast. Reports from social workers provided intimate details of their personal lives. We considered connecting with one woman who lived in the South but changed our minds when we tried to figure out how our child would explain why he was born in a state that his parents had never visited before his conception. And I worried about traveling so far for the surrogate’s doctor’s appointments at least once a month.

The personal stories of the potential surrogates were deeply moving. One woman had given up her newborn for adoption rather than have an abortion; the experience led her to explore surrogacy. Most of the prospective surrogates were married and had children. Most had high-school educations, some had gone to college and some were college graduates.”

The tapestry of surrogates ready to help you build your family is rich and diverse. We know how to connect with these women and we want to help you connect with these surrogates. Call us and we will start the journey.

                                                     

                                                 

Yes, you the surrogate mother, can choose the intended parents. A surrogacy agency, such as Shared Conception,  will have the intended parents  review a profile and questionnaire about you, the potential surrogate mother.  As they are forming an opinion about you,  you will also receive a brief profile about the  intended parents for your own evaluation.

Depending upon the agency with whom you are working with, you will have the opportunity to communicate with the selected intended parents  with the intent of building an initial rapport within this new relationship. It may even be possible to have a face-to-face meeting with them, if all parties are in agreement. You will then decide whether you wish to work with the prospective intended parents.

If you feel that the selected relationship is not the best  fit for you, the agency will continue to work at matching you with other intended parents that are better suited to your expectations. Agencies actively try to “sync” the intended parents  and surrogates who have  similar beliefs, philosophies and interests, but this may not always happen on the first selection.  That’s okay, competent surrogacy agencies such as Shared Conception, will eventually find the right match for you. Call us, we are ready to work with you.

 

Surrogacy can be  complicated, costly and is a huge decision for any couple, straight or gay. Essentially, a surrogate mother is a woman who carries a child for someone else. There are many ways that different types of families can find their way to surrogacy, although for straight couples and lesbians, surrogacy is typically considered if a woman cannot carry a child herself or after a woman has experienced many miscarriages or unsuccessful IVF attempts.
For gay men, surrogacy is a way to conceive a child that is biologically connected to one or both partners through the process of insemination or In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). While less common, a lesbian couple may also use a surrogate mother if one or both partners are unable to produce an egg to be fertilized or unable to carry a child to term.
Surrogacy is a good option for many gay men because at least one partner will be biologically connected to the child conceived. If you live in a state that prohibits LGBT adoption, using a surrogate will ensure you will be recognized as the child’s biological parent, and means you will not have to obtain an adoption to gain parental rights (although your partner will).
Finally, each state has their own laws concerning surrogacy, and some states actually  do not allow surrogacy or recognize surrogacy contracts at all. An experienced surrogacy agency, such as Shared Conception, can help you navigate the entire  surrogacy process.  Give us a call.

POINTS TO PONDER:

1)DO EITHER OF YOU WANT TO HAVE A BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN?

2)WILL YOU USE AN ANONYMOUS EGG DONOR OR A KNOWN EGG DONOR?